puppy love:
the first kind of romantic love we feel as teenagers.
In which two teenagers fall in love and change each other, not knowing that sometimes that change isn't a good thing.
Read if you like something that's sort of a slow burn but not re...
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Pursuit of happiness - kid cudi ———————————————————————— Lilith awoke the next day, back in ashtrays bedroom, with a screaming headache and a turning stomach. Drinking definitely wasn't her thing, but nonetheless she still did it anyway. Of course, she preferred getting high, it was a much better feeling, but if drugs weren't the option, alcohol definitely was.
She looked beside her and saw a sleeping ash. He looked so peaceful, so pretty, so calm. It was one of the only times she'd seen him with no expression, but not in the cold way. In the calm way, the way that told her that he was at peace. She thought it was cute how hot-headed he was to everyone else yet how sweet he was to her, but nothing could beat seeing him so peaceful. Like there was no worries in his world, like he could just sleep forever.
She turned back over and rubbed her eyes, before sitting up and getting out of bed. She was still in her dress from the day before, as she trudged from ash's room to the main bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror before sighing.
She'd never admit this to anyone, but she hated herself. And it wasn't the sort of self hatred where she would try and change everything about herself every other day. No. It was the sort of self hatred where it was so consuming, so drowning, so overwhelming that she was practically begging to get out of her own body, to just shrivel up into nothingness and just die.
She hated herself, her hair, her face, the way her nose was 'too big', the way one of her front teeth was slightly crooked compared to the other, the way her skin wasn't clear but wasn't covered in acne, just a few spots, she hated her waist and how her thighs were too thick for her liking, she hated her hands, her fingers, her fingernails, her feet, she hated everything about herself and most importantly, she hated her life. And, when she wasn't taking drugs, this was all she'd think about.
She stared at herself in the mirror some more, tears stinging at her eyes as they welled up, before she looked down at her hands clenching down on the edges of the sink in front of her as she bit her bottom lip, hard, trying to fight back the tears.
She felt warm arms snake around her waist, and a head rest on her shoulder. She looked back up and saw a sleepy looking ash, smiling softly into the mirror at her. She looked a mess. Yet he looked so effortlessly perfect.
"What's wrong ma?" He whispered, thumbs gently caressing her waist as he hugged her.
"Nothing- just have a headache." She whispered back, giggling a bit and wiping any stray fallen tears before she stood up straight and looked at him.
"Can I use your shower please?" She asked, and he nodded once before kissing her temple softly and walking away.
She turned the shower on, undressed, and got in, the hot water running down her body and through her hair soothingly. It was probably a bit too hot, but she was too numb to notice, the familiar burn seeming peaceful to her.
