Willa

Chapter Seven: Im Gay

I arrived home hours before the party would finish. I ripped my dress from my body and threw it in the trash. It was as if anything from this night had infected me, like it was dirtied by the declaration, the event, the nightmare I couldn't unsee.

I stood under the shower and turned it on, letting the water spurt out aggressively as it consumed me. Tears fell, but washed away with the water against my face, every piece of my pain that my eyes released disappeared down the plug hole. A sob that came from my core, echoed through the tiled bathroom, a sound that came up from my soul, a loss so great my body wailed, my bones ached and my stomach muscles threatened to tear.

When I would finally appear an hour later, I would be empty, nothing would be left as I was replaced by a numbing that took over my entire being. So numb, that I knew tonight would be the night I would confess I was gay, and announce myself, my true self, after all I had nothing else to lose? Surely?

I would soon learn, that I would lose, just about everything.

I hear my dads voice boom into the foyer down below "Willa Jameson if you are here get your butt down these stairs now"

I jump at the sudden boom of his voice, he wasn't happy. I had to wonder how long it had even taken them to notice I wasn't at my own party.

I slowly walk down the stairs, having to drag myself to my fathers feet as he stands, hands on hips, the phone pressed to his ear "she's here Kate, call the search off" he says, with an agitated frown and red puffy cheeks, as he places the phone in his shirt pocket.

"Willa, what are you playing at, leaving the party like that" he says agitatedly.

"Dad, when exactly did you notice I left? When did anyone even care that I vanished? Within the hour?" I ask.

He shakes his head, annoyed at me, angry even.

"We noticed as we got ready for family photos half an hour ago, and guess what, our daughter who we were throwing a party for, wasn't even there" he spat angrily "Willa" he curses "for goodness sake that looked awful that you up and vanished. We thought something had happened to you. Poor Lehi just got grilled by Bram, and Byron blamed your mother for not keeping an eye on you. The family were scared. The birthday girl just missing" he says wiping his sweaty brow with his handkerchief, before pushing it back into his pocket. "What with Ben and Allie up and leaving after the proposal, honestly what is wrong with my kids" he spat.

They hadn't even noticed I was missing. My pain began to pour out of me then, and I would anger my father further by talking through pain and resentment, without a sense of a filter. I would speak to him like I had never done before.

"Dad, I left that party two hours ago... my so called birthday party that not one person noticed I was missing from. Is that because my birthday party was actually an engagement party masquerading as a birthday. None of you care about me... it's all about Ben and his fucking wedding"

My dad slaps me, a short and sharp shock as my mom enters the front door, with Byron, Bram and Charlotte.

Their faces say it all. "Dad" Byron chastises "how could you" he says, pushing him aside and pulling me into his large arms.

I caress my cheek with my spare hand, it stings.

"She is hysterical that's why, none of my children have ever cursed in front of me, and they will not start now. Willa do you hear me" he shouts.

My mom grabs his hands that he's waving about and tries to placate him "Brian stop... just calm down, what is wrong with you" she begs.

Charlotte runs her hand down the back of my hair, in the most sweet gesture that she perhaps has ever, and will ever, do again "He didn't mean it Willa"