Willa

Chapter Ten: Goodbyes

Two weeks pass by, and it is mostly in a flurry of chaos. Mine and Willas family are pulling a wedding together, in a a miraculous amount of time, weeks not months. I cannot understand the rush, didn't we have time?!

I desperately needed more time to locate Willa, and make her understand. I had to make it right, but every time I went by the Jamesons they told me she was out. I searched our spots we frequented together, and she was never there, never where I would expect her to be and it honestly felt like I scoured the town for her ghost. It was like I was always one step behind her, like if you looked hard enough, perhaps you could almost make out her silhouette, gliding around a corner ahead of me. She was always out of reach, and it was becoming a living nightmare.

Ben was quiet, he wouldn't mention her, which was odd. When I had asked her mother, if she would be coming to the dress fitting, she merely suggested that Willa had a figure that fit in anything true to size, and she wouldn't need to come to a fitting as she was far too busy preparing for college.

Did the entire family forget she was my best friend? Why was it so easy to misplace that fact, didn't they think a brides best friend, would, and should, be at her side through this experience. I had entered the twighlight zone, paranoia was seeping in. Why did it seem like everyone was hiding Willa from me?!

***
Mrs Anderson came to the apartment last night, and begged me to see Alberta this week, apparently she was distraught at my absence and had blamed herself entirely for the fact I wasn't around.

I knew I had to see Allie, but what should I say?!

I would be going the day after her wedding. I was leaving, and she had no idea. When I thought about it, I was more dishonest to her, than she had ever been with me. I hadn't told her I loved her, that I was gay, that I was leaving... I hadn't given her the chance to understand or to try and support me.

I just hadn't wanted to bring that to her door. Allie was starting her life, she was about to marry my brother, wouldn't it be selfish to drag her into the chaos of me?

I no longer had anything left to give her. I was in survival mode now. I wouldn't have the ability to be anything for anyone, not until I had time to find myself out there, in another life, my true road home.

I picked up my phone, and sent the message though, for Allie to meet me at the park, because no matter what she deserved a goodbye.

If I didn't set eyes on her again, my lasting memory of her would be as a ring was placed upon her finger, and that would not do. I couldn't remember Allie that way.

***
Allie arrives, she is breathless from running all the way to the park. I drop the basketball into the basket from the opposite end of the court and turn to greet her with a smile. She is relieved to see me, and I her. It felt like it had been months, not three weeks, hiding away, from the one face that always lifted my spirits the most, with just one glance.

"That was a great shot" she says pointing behind me.

I gulp at the way she comes closer, and I nod to myself, and reach for her hand, no feeling greater than Alberta's hand in mine. "Come" I insist, taking her fingers in mine and pulling her across the grass to the cluster of trees at the back edge of the park. There is a clearing behind them, like a secret garden which we would often frequent. Once there, hidden from view I release her hand and push myself back against the oak tree. Now that I am stood in front of her, the words, they are lost, the truth is buried and I fumble for words... how do I do it? Say goodbye to Alberta Anderson, how can I dare let those words leave my mouth and find her ears without breaking in two? And without breaking her right along with me... she won't understand.