Willa

Chapter Eight: Leave

I woke up from an hour of sleep, slightly disorientated. My mom was sat at the end of my bed, she looked like hell, like hours of crying had not made what she was about to say easier.

"Willa" she begins.

I sit up in the bed.

"Please tell me we can get you support with this... that you feel it can be suppressed with guidance and love. We love you so much my baby, and I can't have you leave me like this" she begs through fresh tears. "I watched this destroy my own mother and I can't live like that Willa... you are my baby.... Please tell me we can fix this"

I move over the covers, and wrap my mom in my arms, she cries into my chest, wetting my night shirt. "Did I do something wrong" she asks.

"Mom ... no" I say rubbing her arm. "And no we can't fix it Mom... I'm Gay im not sick... I am not something that needs to be fixed"

She sits up and then stands, wiping at her eyes. "Willa please, daddy he wants you to go... if it's true he wants you to leave as soon as possible until you see sense"

I frown, my eyebrows knit together "dad wants me gone" I repeat, feeling the pain like a punch to the guts.

"Only until you see sense" she begs.

"Mom I will be gone forever, if you want me gone as long as I identify as gay...Then you will never see me again" I confess, as a single tear rolls down my cheeks and slips between my lips.

"Willa don't say that" my mom begs coming and wrapping me in her embrace. "Please Willa take it back" she begs me and the guilt stirs, knowing I am causing this grief and knowing this won't be the worst of it.

My mom was about to be thrown into a grief that didn't make sense to me, if you love me just love me, who cares who I love as long as I am happy and they care for me? Did you truly bring me into this world to be small? Confined? To live with no happiness, to live in despair hidden like some kind of evil predator. Why must the sex between my partners legs define the way you accept your child, their life and their happiness. I couldn't understand parents of gay kids... what was the fucking problem?! Just love them!

"I better start packing" I say, slipping from my moms arms and taking my backpack and hold-all from the closet. I throw them down on the bed and my mom bursts into loud sobs before running from the room. I wipe my eyes and stiffen my upper lip that wobbled.

My dad appears moments later "what are you doing" he asks me surprised.

I turn as I pack my last few clothing items. "Mom said you wanted me gone if I wouldn't see sense... so I'm getting gone" I return.

He looks at me, maddened by that.

"Where do you think you will go? College? Do you think I'm paying for that now you are behaving this way" he spits.

I turn and look to him, completely thrown and hurt that he would take that from me too "my education is being stripped now" I ask.

He nods "yes if you continue this behaviour and break your moms heart this way" he threatens.

"Okay" I return taking out all of my college Merch that he had bought me most excitedly only a week ago, declaring I would be the best basketball player on that team and he would watch every game he could.

He was proud of me one week ago, now he looked like he despaired of me and all that I was.

I place the hat and the t shirt with the M on onto the bedside cabinet and my father looks to it and then to me as if he wants to say something more but he doesn't... only two words as he leaves my room "just leave" he commands, and he disappears.