Pennyroyal Tea [k. cobain]

nine.

We left the record store with a good haul of new purchases. I drove down the stretch of highway that led to the other second hand store. Kurt popped a cassette of Surfer Rosa into the tape deck and we listened as I drove.
Finally we reached the little strip mall outside of town. I turned in and found a place to park.
"I've never been to this store before," Kurt said excitedly. It was big for a second hand store—the building was an old grocery store.
"I think you'll like it," I told him as we climbed from the car and headed for the door.
Kurt held the door for me as we walked inside.
"Wow, look at this place!" Kurt exclaimed in awe. There were racks and racks of knickknacks, toys, housewares, and of course tons and tons of clothes. "I see flannel shirts!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me along as he practically ran to the rack. "Look at all of them!" I grinned at his excitement. He began digging through the rack of flannels while I stood by and watched him, chuckling.
"Damn, Kels. I need more money. Someday when I'm rich and famous I'll buy a whole store like this." We laughed. I could see Kurt buying a whole thrift store, of all things, if he ever had money.
We scoured the flannel section, each finding a few good ones. The prices were bargains, so we could still afford a lot on our very limited budget.
"Kels, I'm going to go look at the toy section," Kurt told me as I headed for the t-shirts.
"Okay, I'll catch up with you soon," I answered. I began digging through the giant rack of t-shirts. I was so engrossed in looking that I hadn't noticed someone walk up to me.
"Kelsi?" Fear shot through me as I recognized the voice.
"Will." I glanced up at him, biting my lip.
"I thought you and Michelle went to Portland."
"We did. We just got home earlier. We came back a day early." I prayed he'd buy my lie.
"Oh. Well did you have a good time, sweetheart?" I flinched when he called me sweetheart. I shrugged.
"What is going on with you Kelsi? Are you okay because you've been acting—"
"Hey Kels, look what I found!" I heard Kurt's voice moving closer to where Will and I were standing. I wanted to disappear into the ground. This was bad.
I tried not to visibly die as Kurt and Will noticed one another.
"Kelsi, who is this?" Will demanded. I swallowed.
"I'm Kurt," Kurt answered. "And who are you?"
"I'm Kelsi's boyfriend," Will answered as I cringed. The look that came over Kurt's face next will be etched in my mind forever. I could never forgive myself for causing him this pain.
"I see," Kurt said slowly. "We'll I'll just be going then."
"No, Kurt, wait! Please!" I pleaded. I tried to run after him but Will grabbed me and held me back.
"Would you get OFF of me!" I shouted, shoving my way out of his grip. Other shoppers were starting to stare so Will let go of me. As much as I wanted to dart after Kurt, I knew I needed to take care of this first.
I drew in a deep breath. "Will, listen. We need to talk."

"So you started seeing him while we were still together," Will repeated again. I'd taken him for coffee so we could talk. I had just explained Kurt to him, in as little detail as possible. I hung my head. I felt terrible about this. I needed to be honest.
"Listen, Will," I began, lifting my head. "I need you to know something. It's hard for me to say this but... I really haven't been feeling our relationship for a while. I should have been honest and broke it off sooner, and for that I'm sorry."
"So you're breaking up with me." It wasn't a question. He understood. I nodded as unexpected tears began to roll down my cheeks. Will stood from the table.
"Goodbye, Kelsi," he said coldly before turning to leave.
I gave myself a few minutes to gain my composure. That hadn't gone as badly as I had imagined it would. Now there was just the matter of Kurt.

I had no idea where to go looking for him. He was already long gone when I'd left the thrift store. I figured if I'd find him anywhere, it'd be at Krist and Shelli's. I decided to go check.

"He hasn't been here," Shelli told me with sad eyes after I explained to her what had happened. "Kurt's really sensitive. He'll probably disappear for a bit until he feels better."
"I'm a horrible person!" I exclaimed, burying my face in my hands.
"No you aren't," answered Shelli. "I mean sure, you could have handled this situation a little better, but we all make mistakes."
"But I hurt him so much, Shelli."
"Kurt will come around," she answered. "It just takes some time. But I think if you're honest with him he'll forgive you."
"I sure hope you're right," I answered as Shelli fixed me a drink. I really needed it.
"Do you mind if I stay here for a while and see if he shows up?" I asked, taking a sip of my drink.
"Stay as long as you like," Shelli replied.
"Thanks. I really just don't feel like being alone right now."
"You're always welcome here." Shelli slung her arm around me. "It's all going to work out in the end."
I sure hoped she was right, because at the moment I couldn't have felt worse.