Pennyroyal Tea [k. cobain]

ten.

Kelsi

I stirred from where I was sleeping on Krist and Shelli's couch. I was really drunk.
I heard someone coming through the front door. I saw a tall, lanky shadow cast from the light outside. Kurt.
He tiptoed gently across the living room. I desperately wanted to call out to him, but something held me back. He made his way back the hallway to Krist and Shelli's spare bedroom without ever taking any notice to me being on the couch.
I tried desperately to fall back asleep. I really did. But images flooded my mind. I saw Will's crushed face as I broke up with him. But mostly all I could picture was Kurt, looking so devastated as he left the thrift store. I couldn't believe I had hurt him like that. I needed to try to explain myself.
Finally, I drug myself up from the couch. It was now or never. I didn't care that it was four am. I wanted to talk to Kurt right now.

"Kurt," I hissed, tapping at his shoulder. He stirred. God he was gorgeous in the dim bedroom light. "Kurt."
"Kelsi?" He asked sleepily.
"Yeah, it's me."
"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked in the coldest voice I had ever heard.
"I wanted to apologize to you, Kurt. I wanted to explain things."
"I don't think there's anything to explain, Kelsi." Kurt sat up and rubbed his eyes. He reached towards the nightstand, grabbed his cigarettes and lit one. In the faint light I could see his bright blue eyes boring into me.
"I—I'm sorry, Kurt," I stammered. Tears started falling from my eyes. I couldn't help it. "I should have ended things with Will a long time ago..."
"But you didn't, did you?" Kurt snapped coldly.
"No," I stammered, desperately wiping tears from my eyes. "Kurt, please. Just listen to me."
"There's nothing I can hear from you that makes this any better," Kurt replied, taking a long drag of his smoke.
"But it's you I want to be with, Kurt. I was a coward for not ending things with Will months ago. I care about you, Kurt."
"Kelsi, you cheated on him with me. I don't like the kind of person you are. I can't be with someone like that." His words stung me so hard that I sobbed openly, holding my hands over my face. I shook violently. I couldn't be losing Kurt. He had to understand.
"Kurt, please?" I begged, hearing the pathetic desperation in my own voice. "Please?"
"I'm sorry, Kelsi," Kurt answered flatly. "But you hurt me. You lied to me. And I can't trust you anymore."
"Then I guess we're done here," I answered.
"I guess we are," Kurt replied, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. I turned to leave.
"Kelsi, wait," Kurt said. My heart skipped a beat as I turned around.
"Let me walk you home. It's really late."
"I thought you didn't care!" I snapped at him.
"Fine! I don't!" He answered coldly. "Get out." I looked one last time into those ice cold blue eyes and my heart broke into a million pieces.

[end part 1]