Pennyroyal Tea [k. cobain]

thirteen.

Kurt

I rubbed my bleary eyes and yawned again. My head was pounding. We partied hard the night before. Night had turned into morning and I think I had about two hours of sleep.

Still, there was a general excitement in the air over the start of our tour—excitement that was soon about to be squashed.

I lit a cigarette and took a long drag when Dave burst through the door.

"They're making a fucking journalist come with us and follow us around," Dave lamented, giving me an annoyed look.

"What?" I demanded. "Where's Danny?" Our manager would settle this.

"There's no use, Kurt. I already tried. They insist," Krist chimed in, following Dave into the room.

"God damn it, can you imagine? No fucking privacy this whole tour!" I exclaimed. I took another drag of my cigarette. "What the actual fuck?"

"I don't know," Krist answered. "But Danny said meeting upstairs in ten." I groaned.

"Tell him I'll be there in twenty." I smashes out my cigarette in an ashtray on the table. I was really too tired for this.

I showed up to the meeting on time, settling in at the table near the back of the room and putting my head down. I was distantly aware of Danny droning on about some journalism project. Some other guy was there too. I think they said his name was Bob. Balding, kind of chubby, beady eyes. He looked like a typical journalist.

"I want to introduce you all to the reporter and photographer who will be joining you." Danny opened the door and Bob called into the hallway. "Ladies?"

A second later, I heard Krist audibly gasp. I lifted my head.

My jaw fell to the floor. There, in front of me, looking like nothing less than an angel on earth, was Kelsi. She was beautiful, just like I remembered her, with her locks of golden hair and captivating eyes. Eyes that were currently staring straight into mine.

"Kelsi!" Krist exclaimed, while I cleared my throat and closed my mouth.

"Krist!" She answered, racing forward to give him a hug. I expected I wouldn't be greeted as warmly.

"Kurt," Kelsi said softly by way of a greeting.

"Kelsi," I answered with a brief nod. It was only then that I noticed another girl had also walked into the room— a pretty brunette who was currently standing around looking confused.

"So you all know each other?" She asked, glancing between me, Kurt and Krist.

"No," answered Dave, who looked just as confused as the girl did.

"Kurt and I know Kelsi from a few years ago. We met back in Olympia," Krist explained. I was grateful he didn't mention Kelsi and I dating. If you could even call what we did dating.

"It's good to catch up with you guys again," muttered Kelsi, avoiding my gaze.

"Well if everyone is ready, we'll hit the road," announced Danny. "The busses are already loaded up out front."

On the bus I made my way straight to my bed to take a nap. I still couldn't believe Kelsi was coming with us. What were the odds? I mean, I guessed they were pretty good when she was a journalist for The Rocket. Even though we hadn't run into one another for two years, I supposed it was bound to happen sooner or later.

But having her around for the whole tour? I was nervous for that. I hadn't expected the feelings I'd felt the instant I'd seen her—feelings I thought I'd ended long ago. Damn it, there was no one like Kelsi Lewis. She just lit up a room with her bright personality. She was funny and clever and she made me feel important when I was with her.

How could I ever explain to her how I was still feeling? I couldn't, was the short answer. But I had to confess that I'd noticed that there was no ring on her finger. She wasn't engaged or married. I felt relieved knowing that, at least.

All I wanted was to hold her close to me, to inhale the scent of her skin and feel her hair fall all around me. I imagined kissing her again, just once. Just to let her know how I felt.

But she doesn't feel that way about you, I reminded myself. It was true. She wanted nothing to do with me, I was sure of it.

And then there was Courtney. You're in love with Courtney, I reminded myself. Of course I was in love with Courtney! She was everything I wanted. I'd had a momentary lapse in judgement when I'd seen Kelsi. But that was all. Things were over between us. Forever.

I must've dozed off for a while because I awoke to the bus lurching to a halt.

"We're at the hotel!" called out Dave. I groaned. I did like the prospect of staying in a hotel. Hell, this tour bus was way nicer than anything we'd ever had.

The hotel we were checked into was much nicer than anywhere I'd ever stayed. We didn't even have to check ourselves in, it was already taken care of. This idea of having money was so foreign to me I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Honestly the past month had been surreal. Never in a million years could I have thought we'd even become popular enough that people would recognize us outside of Washington, let alone this.

I had to admit, part of me was proud that Kelsi got to see me as successful. I always thought I'd be a nobody, never good enough for her. Well now, I wasn't nobody, but I still wasn't good enough for her.

I headed to my room where I sat, smoking, scribbling in a notebook and waiting for dinner. Our first show was tomorrow night. I guess you could say I was excited. But as much as I knew my mind should be on my music, my mind was really on Kelsi.