Pennyroyal Tea [k. cobain]

fourteen

Kelsi

My hotel room was next to Kurt's.

I couldn't stop thinking about him, right on the other side of the wall. I wondered if he was thinking of me. I couldn't read his expression earlier, and I'd barely seen him since. All I knew was that he was every bit as gorgeous as ever. If only I hadn't ruined everything so long ago.

I fell back onto the plush duvet that covered the cushy mattress. At least we were getting five-star accommodations. I still felt like I was dreaming. None of this seemed like it could possibly be real. I was touring with Nirvana!

Still, not everything was perfect. Bob had reamed me out for not telling him that I knew Kurt and Krist. I took the yelling because I knew I should have disclosed it to him before. But he confessed that it wouldn't have changed his mind about putting me on the assignment, and we left on good terms.

I was startled by a knock at my door. I jumped up from the bed and went over to the door to check the peephole. It was Kurt, staring at the ground looking nervous.

I drew in a deep breath and opened the door. The piercing blue eyes that met mine held a sadness I couldn't even describe.

"Kelsi," Kurt muttered softly.

"Kurt," I answered.

"Umm, I just wanted to tell you that everyone's going for dinner at the restaurant downstairs. I thought maybe you'd want to come for your job."

"Not tonight," I answered. "I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to get started tomorrow."

"Okay." There was a long pause, "Or, Kelsi, maybe we could talk tonight?" He wanted to talk to me? I figured I might as well get it over with and clear the air, since we'd be spending all of our time together.

"Alright," I answered. "Come in."

We stood in the entryway to my room, facing one another.

"Kelsi," Kurt repeated softly. "I want to forget the past. I want a fresh start between us."

"I'd like that," I answered.

"But there's something else I want to tell you Kelsi." Kurt's nerves were palpable. "I—I loved you, Kelsi. I loved you back then." I felt tears start to fall from my cheeks before I realized what was happening.

"I loved you, too, Kurt," I answered.

"Don't cry." Kurt's voice was barely above a whisper as he gingerly wiped a tear from my cheek.

"Kurt," I managed, reaching my arms out to him. He embraced me tightly and I felt safe. I felt home. I inhaled his perfect scent. What I wouldn't give for this to be real.

We pulled apart and my eyes met his again.  Slowly, our faces inched closer together. I knew we shouldn't, but...

Kurt was kissing me, and he was everything in my world. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling him close to me, as he kissed me tenderly, his hands on the side of my face.

We pulled apart and Kurt rested his forehead against mine. We both grinned at one another.

"I can't believe you're really here." Kurt spoke softly.

"Me either," I answered. We pulled apart awkwardly.

"So, uh, how about we just order some room service and stay here tonight and catch up? Have some drinks, smoke, whatever. You can start your research on me," he jested. I rolled my eyes.

"Headline: I kissed Kurt Cobain my first day on the job," I joked.

"I think we'll leave that little detail out," Kurt answered, pulling me in close to him again. Kissing Kurt was the most exhilarating feeling. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"I missed you so much," Kurt mumbled against my lips between kisses.

"Mmm, me too," I answered. Kurt's lips moved from my lips to my neck. I realized how badly I wanted him. I couldn't think of anything else. I let my hands wander over Kurt's body. I tugged at the hem of his shirt. He helped me lift it over his head. He stared at me like I was the whole universe.

Very slowly, Kurt removed my articles of clothing, placing kisses all over my body. He guided me back onto the bed as he leaned over me, bending down to kiss my lips and my face and my neck, grinning at me in between.

He was so adorable, but I needed him right now. I put my hands around his body and pulled him to me, pressing my body up against his.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Kelsi," Kurt breathed.

"I want you," I answered, grinning at him.

What happened next was indescribably perfect. Besides being the best sex of my life, it felt like I was finally home.

Afterwards, we cuddled together on the bed, smiling at one another.

"God you're beautiful, Kelsi," Kurt told me. "When I saw you again, well... you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"I can't believe we just did that, Kurt," I answered, avoiding his compliment.

"What, it wasn't good?" He teased, blushing. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"I thought it was perfect."

"Me too."

"I want to stay right here in this moment forever."

"I'd love that."

"I love you, Kelsi. I know I said I loved you before, but the truth is I still do, no matter how ridiculous it is."

I swallowed and blurted out my own confession.

"I love you too, Kurt."