Pennyroyal Tea [k. cobain]

eighteen

Kelsi

Of course Kurt would show up right now. I hesitated before swinging the door open and waving him inside.

"What are you doing here, Kurt?"

"Kelsi, I hate the way things are between us."

"I hate it too," I admitted.

"And I'm sorry about Courtney. I know she can be a lot. And I'm sorry she's here. She won't be around for the whole tour."

"Doesn't she wonder where you are now?" I asked.

"Nah," answered Kurt. "We aren't that serious."

"Oh."

"Kelsi, you know why I'm here." Kurt took a step closer to me and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

We shouldn't... and yet, here he was, right in front of me. God, I needed him.

I stared up at him. I couldn't resist his beautiful face, his bright blue eyes, that messy blonde hair. I gave a small nod.

Kurt's lips crashed into mine. I returned his kiss with the same urgency. We wrapped our arms around one another. I couldn't get enough of him.

I started pulling his clothes off. I honestly didn't care about Courtney and her "not so serious" relationship with Kurt. He deserved so much better than that. I knew I was being a bad person, but I couldn't help myself at the moment.

Kurt didn't hesitate. He responded instantly by helping me remove his shirts, and then removing mine.

We paused and looked at one another for a second before pressing our lips together again and continuing to remove our clothing.

We had sex with an almost crazy sense of urgency. We couldn't get enough of one another. All I knew was that I was so in love with him.

Afterwards, he held me in his arms. I put my hand on his cheek and stared into his eyes. He spoke before I could.

"Kelsi, I don't know how to make sense of anything that's happening, but I know without a doubt I'm in love with you. I love you so much, Kelsi."

"I love you too, Kurt." I selfishly loved being in his arms. "Leave her," I added.

"What?" Kurt sounded dumbfounded.

"If you're really in love with me, then leave her."

"It's not that simple, Kels."

"Why not?"

"Well we have publicity to worry about for one thing... and... I mean, I do care about Courtney. I don't want to hurt her."

"What are you saying? Do you mean?—"

"Kelsi," Kurt calmed me. "You are the one that I want. This just might not be as fast or easy as we'd both like. But I promise it will happen, sweetheart. Okay?"

"Okay," I answered. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but I knew it would have to do. I held Kurt closer to me.

"Kelsi, you know you're going to be famous, right?"

"Sure, I know."

"Just so you're not worried about it."

"Bring it on. I'm up for anything," I said confidently, although inside I did feel a bit nervous about it. But Kurt would always be worth it.

Kurt spent the night with me and we made good use of our time together. In the morning, he slipped away early and went back to his room to get ready. The band had an interview this morning and then we were hitting the road.

Kurt and I agreed to act "normal" in public, which might've proved difficult. I guessed we'd figure it out as we went.

Courtney showed up for the interview. She was all over Kurt this morning. I desperately wanted to walk over and ask her if she knew where her boyfriend spent the night last night. But I refrained.

I diligently took notes and chatted with Dave and Krist while we waited for the interview to start.

"Kelsi, I don't understand why we have to do interviews," said Dave. "I thought you were already writing all about us."

"I am," I answered. "I don't know, man."

"This is for MTV," answered Krist.

"What's that again?" joked Dave. Krist pulled a joint from his pocket, lit it, took a long drag, and passed it to Dave. Dave took a hit and offered it to me, but I declined.

"I'm on the job."

"Shit, aren't we all?" answered Dave.

"Twenty-four seven, baby," added Krist with a chuckle.

"No rest for the wicked," Dave replied. Just then, Kurt came walking over to us, finally without Courtney.

"Speaking of the wicked," called out Krist.

"What, are you over here talking shit on me?" asked Kurt.

"Yeah. We were talking about how being in a band with you sucks!" Dave flashed one of his signature grins so Kurt knew he was kidding.

"Yeah, I heard that lazy-ass lead singer does nothing at all," Kurt added, laughing.

I felt content in the moment, surrounded by the members of Nirvana. Not far away, I spotted Tiffany and Shelli, looking at Tiffany's camera together. I seemed to remember something about Shelli liking photography. It made sense to me that she'd be spending time with Tiffany then. I still felt a twinge of jealousy.

MTV was ready for Nirvana and the rest of us had to stay back. I made my way over to Tiffany and Shelli.

"Oh, hey, Kelsi," said Shelli with a smile.

"Hi," I answered.

"Hi," said Tiffany. "How are things going?"

"Oh, pretty good," I answered. I realized we hadn't really been talking and we were working together. We would need to collaborate.

"Maybe we could grab coffee sometime and talk about what we have so far," Tiffany suggested.

"Sure," I agreed, realizing I needed to get my notes in better order.

"Shelli can come along too!" exclaimed Tiffany. "She's really interested in learning about photography." Shelli grinned.

"Sounds good to me," I answered. The three of us hung out together while the guys had their interview. I finally felt a bit more accepted than I had been feeling. Over all, things seemed to be looking up.

I hoped it stayed that way.