Careful [lesbian story]

Chapter Thirteen

I stare into my tea, and let the steam hit my face, trying to soak up what has happened this year. I inhale and exhale because I forgot to breathe.
"Taryn?" G said, opening the door to our dorm. No reply came from me. "are you alright?" She asked walking over.
I took a sip of my tea and burnt my tongue, not really caring.
I placed the tea back on our somewhat half of a counter in between the microwave and sink. I turned to face her and shrugged my shoulders. she squinted her eyes, "well okay, tell me about last night," she half asked.
I sighed, "sure,"
After explaining a shortened version of the story, including the ride there, the dinner, the half ride back, and my night with ren, she had really no expression.
"What a jerk," she said standing up to take her books out of her bag, "is that why you look so upset?"
I thought about telling her about the fight me and ren had, but dismissed it.
I shrugged my shoulders again and spoke, "I guess,"
She squinted at me once more, "well okay, want to watch dance moms?" She asked me.
"Sure," I replied. Grabbing my tea from the counter and sitting on the couch once more.
We watched the episode and once Cathy beat the girls we both sat with confused expressions. After it ended I spoke up "well, that was bullshit," I laughed.
She laughed with me, "yeah, we'll get them next time."
I smiled, "you act like you're on the team,"
She stood up, "I might as well be," she went to get some water.
"Are you going home for thanksgiving?" She asked me.
I laughed pitifully at myself, "Jesus, I forgot about thanksgiving."
With everything that's happened I hardly think about my family anymore; which is sad. I stood up and walked out of the dorm after telling G I was calling my mom.
I've talked to my parents since I came to the university but it was just the normal how are you conversations, nothing important. I stood in the hallway and took out my cell, to see nothing on my screen, I sighed and clicked my moms contact until the black screen came up indicating the call. After three rings she picked up.
"Hey hon!" She said, enthusiastically.
"Hey," I said, less excited.
"Is everything alright?" She asked.
"Yeah, yeah, of course, everything's cool," I replied, despite the fact that my whole life has been turned upside down.
"Well that's good," she said.
"Mhmm," I replied meekly, "I was wondering what the deal is for thanksgiving?"
"Oh Hun," she said giggling, "your father and I are going on a cruise!"
"Really?" I asked trying to hide my disappointment.
"Yes! Oh sweetie, I'm sorry if you were planning on coming down, grandmother might be doing something still?" She said, trying to make it okay.
"No, it's alright, you have fun, I'll stay up here," I replied.
"Are you sure? Everyone misses you down here," she said.
"Yeah, I know, I miss them too, tell them that," I replied.
"Alright Taryn, call me if you ever want to talk, okay?" She asked.
"Okay, love you," I said
"Love you too," she replied.
we said goodbye and hung up the phone.
I sighed and looked around the hallway, stepping back into the room.
"So?" G asked,
"My parents are going on a cruise," I said, slightly disappointed.
I haven't seen my parents since I set out for school a month earlier. I miss them but I'll be alright staying here.
"Sorry man," G said sympathetically.
"It's alright," I shrugged.
"I would stay here but-"
"Oh god no," I cut her off, "I wouldn't let you stay here with me even if you could,"
She smiled, "alright Taryn, you doing anything tonight?"
"I don't know," I said, laying in my bed.
"Well I'm going to go meet chad," she said, naming her boyfriend, "you could come along if you want?"
I laughed, "uh, I'd really rather not,"
She laughed back, "okay, I'll see you,"
"Bye," I said as she closed the door.
--
"Taryn, literally wake up," Camden said as he shook my shoulder.
I opened up and immediately felt groggy, I looked over at the clock and I had been asleep for an hour and a half. I closed my eyes and opened them back up to see Camden and I widened them.
"Jesus, how'd you get in here?" I said grabbing my phone and looking through whatever notifications I may have.
He held up a bobby pin, "master locksmith," he joked.
I rolled my eyes, "wonderful, what do you want?"
"Well don't be too excited to see me," he said bleakly.
I smiled, "I'm just tired,"
"Yeah well wake the fuck up," he said.
"Why?" I asked whiningly.
"Because you need a drink, and I haven't seen you in forever," he said matter-of-factly.
I rolled my eyes once again, "fine," I said getting out of the bed.
I walked over the the closet and grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a red tank, might as well enjoy the fall weather while it lasts.
I looked over to Camden, "turn around," I said.
He laughed and groaned at the same time as he turned.
After I got dressed I walked over to the mirror and darkened my eyeshadow and touched up my powder.
"Let's go," I said facing him.
"Alright!" He said excited.
I grabbed my phone and wallet and we walked.
Once outside of the dorm, I turned to him once more,
"Where are we going?"
"My dorm," he said.
"You let me get all ready just so I could go to your dorm?" I asked and rolled my eyes.
"I can't bring back a groggy wrinkled chick back to my room, that looks bad," he said.
I laughed.
Once we walked all the way across campus we got to his building and it looked identical to mine, we reached the elevators and he pressed 4, the top hall, and we stepped out to his dorm.
Once inside it looked different to mine, but the same.
Same size but the "kitchen"'area was smaller and on a different side of the wall and they had a bunk bed instead of two twin beds.
"Hmm," I said looking around.
"The boy's dorms are really shitty," he said, reading my face.
I laughed, "it's not that bad,"
He gave me a 'really?' Look and I laughed again.
"Where's your roommate?" I asked
"Probably off getting high," he said
I mumbled a reply, and sat on the futon in front of the window.
He took out a key the was taped under his bed and walked to a cabinet.
Once he unlocked it, he pulled out all kinds of alcohol and asked me my preference,
"Surprise me," I said.
He smirked and made me a drink, once he was done with his own he set them both on the floor and motioned for me to sit.
I smiled and sat crisscross in front of him.
He handed me my drink and it was some green mix.
I cautiously took a sip and looked back up to him, "apples," I said, and took another sip, "bitter apples," I said and cleared my throat.
"Vodka and apple juice, with something special," he Said.
"Okay then," I said and we sat for a while drinking our drinks.
"Tell me a secret," he said.
I already felt a little buzzed but no where near drunk. I leaned back on my arms and thought.
"Mmm, I guess, it was, oh." I started laughing, "oh no, I got it,"
I laughed again and spoke, "I killed my hamster when I was 7," I said and got serious.
"Jesus Taryn," Camden laughed.,
"I mean it's not like I meant too, I wanted it to go on a run with me and I totally let him go and his ass got ran over," I said laughing again.
"You're a sociopath," he said laughing with me.
"Whatever," I said finishing my laughing, "tell me a secret,"
He thought about it for a minute and spoke up, "my little brother started doing pot and I knew where he went with his buddies to do it and I snitched," he said.
I gave him a confused look, "but don't you smoke?" I asked,
"Yeah," he answered, "doesn't mean he can,"
I laughed, "sucks for your brother,"
"Pretty much," he said, "do you have any siblings?"
"Nope, only child," I said.
"Cool," he said.
"Eh, not really," I replied.
"Why?" He asked.
"You can get lonely," I shrugged.
He pulled out a cigarette and offered me one and I took it, after lighting it and handing him his lighter back I sucked in the burning smoke with ease.
"I'm so tired Camden" I said exasperated.
"Go to sleep," he said simply.
"It's not that easy," I said back, shaking my head and taking another drag.
"Why can't it be?" He asked.
"I don't know," I said and wiped away the first tear I shed all day.
"What's wrong?" He asked sitting back up.
I didn't continue crying, I just breathed in more smoke as if it was oxygen.
"How do you know who you are?" I asked him.
"This is about Ren isn't it?" He asked.
I just sipped my drink and nodded.
He sighed, "I know Ren,"
I looked down at him and furrowed my brows "you do?"
He drank more and spoke, "yeah, we went to the same high school, she was pretty cool back then and she still is now. When she came out she got a lot of shit for it but I don't know, it was like she didn't care and she was still the coolest person that ever walked the planet. And when someone would say something shitty you could see her break for just a second and then somehow glue herself back together right there and be Ren again," he sucked in more smoke, "she got a girlfriend but she kept it a secret for the girls sake and when the chick ended it, it was like it ended Ren. She worked hard for her and then she got dropped. It really fucked her up and she started doing more than just weed and drinking, but she recovered and graduated and made it here so I guess everything worked out for her,"
I was in complete shock.
"How do you know all this?" I asked him.
"We had mutual friends and I watched her sometimes, when her girlfriend broke it off she talked to me because I was no body," he said, kind of sadly.
"Well you're somebody now," I said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," he said finishing his smoke, "do you want another drink?"
"No, I think I'm going to go," I said and tossed my cig in my drink, standing up, "thank you for talking to me," I said, handing him my cup.
"What are you going to do?" He asked.
"About what?" I asked back.
"Ren," he said.
I took a minute to look around and take a breath. I thought about his question and I thought about Ren and the feeling I got just thinking about her and replied.
"I haven't figured it out yet,"
--
I walk quickly across campus, desperate to get to my hall.
It was starting to get cold outside as winter approaches and the air smells like burning wood. Reminds me of home. When I was little my parents treated me like the center of the universe and we always had bonfires with our family And as I got older I had bonfires with my friends and that just seemed like a big part of my life all of the sudden. I haven't talked to any of my friends from home since I left, they really mean it when they say you'll never see any of your highschool friends again once you graduate.

I reached my hall and pressed the button to Ren's floor, once the elevator stopped I stepped out into the hallway and tried to remember which room Ren was in, I took a guess at the door I thought it was and raised my hand to knock on it.

As I moved my wrist to make contact with the cold wood, it opened before it touched.

A girl walked out with her shirt on backwards and ran into me and dropped her shoe.
As she reached down to grab it she muttered a "sorry," and straightened out her shirt a little.

As I took in the scene my eyes began to water up and I choked hard to not let them spill. The girl took notice and spoke, "are you okay?"
Before I could respond I heard another voice, a more familiar one, "what's going on?"

Once Ren came into sight, looking just as messy as the strange girl; but still beautiful somehow, her eyes widened.

I looked away and wiped my face, "Taryn," Ren said, desperately.

I turned around quickly and heard the girl ask who I was and Ren tell her to go home.

Once I reached the elevator I pressed the button rapidly not looking back and choking back more sobs.

How could this of happened? My world seemed so cloudy and my chest heavy, the air was thick and I couldn't hear anything.
Once I decided that the elevator was taking too long I turned to the stairs I felt an arm grab mine and it felt as if I burst into flames, I lost my balance and stopped thinking.

As I fell to the ground I let the tears flow, letting out disgusting sobs into Ren's grasp.
I tried to push her away with the little sense I had left and she held me tighter.

As we sat there on the stairs, I realized how hurt I was and more than sad, I was angry. I mustered up the strength to push Ren off of me and stood up, wiping my face and sniffling. I probably looked awful but I didn't care, I looked as I felt.

She stood up, eye level to me.
We stared at each other, not sure what to say.
We weren't together, we had just gotten into a fight over me pushing her away and I found her after she had sex with another girl.

I just started laughing. She gave me a confused look and spoke up; "stop laughing," but I kept going.
It was like an infection of laughter.
"Why are you laughing?" Ren asked.
"Because this is so stupid," I said plainly.
She sighed, "I'm sorry," she said.
I chuckled, "there's nothing to be sorry for, I'm not yours, and you're not mine," I said, turning back down the stairs.
"But Taryn, I want you," she said quietly,
"Don't." I replied quickly.
"But Taryn," she said.
I turned around and practically jumped up the three steps separating us and crashed my lips into hers.
She was taken by surprise but replied quickly and our lips were joined together; it was pure heaven. I relaxed more and more as it went on and when we pulled away we pressed our foreheads together and took short breaths.
"You taste like cigarettes and vodka," she said, in a whisper.
I smirked and whispered back, "familiar, huh?"

(A/N sorry if this isn't making any sense and sorry that it's short but it will get cleared up soon! Thanks for 1.5K!)