Cut To The Feeling (Reader x Professor Ren / Kylo Ren)

Love Will Keep Us Together

Your mom was supposed to come to New Orleans for your Spring Break. But plans had changed.

You were back in your hometown at a dinner surrounded by your mom and Chris's families. It was her engagement party, and even though you were dreading it upon hearing of it, you were really happy for your mom. She was smiling and glowing in a way you hadn't seen in almost half a decade, and it warmed your heart. She loved that man so much, and you were proud of her. She had stuck to calling you more frequently and being more involved in your life. And since Chris had moved in not long after you met him, she had taken on less responsibilities in the town. You figured that was because she no longer had a void she needed to fill with busy work to keep her mind away from the crippling loneliness of living alone. 

Things had been tough the past few months. It had been difficult to stay at Tulane. As expected, for weeks you would hear groups of people whispering about what had happened to that film professor. You had almost laughed out loud when you overheard one person in the cafeteria say that he had been fired because he got caught sending dirty emails to several students on his school sanctioned email. It became laughable after a while--hearing all of the different theories. But it never hurt any less to hear people talk about his leaving. It never got easier to hear people talk about him. 

You enjoyed those final days you had with him. You missed work, and you turned off your phone. You were just present with him. Most of the time had been spent laying bed with him--running your hands over his chest and his face, so you could remember the feeling forever. You had even surprised yourself when you had only fucked him one more time before he was gone. It didn't matter how you got the connection, you just wanted to be as close to him as possible. And it really came in the form of holding him against you and saying few words. You would never get the chance to love someone like him again. Someone so beautiful, so statuesque, so complicated, so intoxicating. So, you savored it. You enjoyed him like he would be the last man you ever loved. 

You were fine now. Mostly. You had immersed yourself in school not only by choice but out of obligation. You had two more scenes to film when you got back to school, and then you had to edit it, and you were done. It was a lot, though. With your film being a period piece, the production was complex and pricey. You were barely making your budget with the grant you had been awarded from the Louisiana Film Commission. Everyone else was pretty much done, and so many of your classmates were helping on your production now, including Katelyn. She was working as the best damn production assistant you had ever seen. She had become a person you really admired and enjoyed being around in the months since Kylo had left. She kept your secret, and she was far more gentle with you after that whole situation unraveled.

You didn't tell her it was Rey. Kylo had been the only person you told. And you hadn't spoken with her since. It was really hard not talking to her. Even though you felt a remarkable anger toward her, things would happen periodically where you would reach for your phone to tell her. There had been a crazy day on set where one of your actors had a meltdown because of the color of his coat for the scene, and you so badly wanted to tell her about it, to laugh about it with her. But you had to remind yourself that you couldn't speak to her. That you couldn't enjoy something with her. She had been the one sending you incessant messages now. She didn't reach out for about a week after the revelation had come, but after that she called all the time. She texted all the time. And you blatantly ignored her. She had even called out to you one time when you were passing her on campus, and you walked right past her. It had been painful, but it was necessary. 

It sucked not having a best  friend. It sucked not having Kylo around. But you were making it, and that was all that mattered. You were going to finish your school year triumphantly, and even if you didn't win the film festival that came with a paid internship at a massive studio in Los Angeles, you were going to be okay and proud of what you had accomplished. You began making plans for your return home. There was a pretty lucrative independent film industry in the closest big town, and you would build up your professional resume there and then figure it out later. You weren't in a rush.