The truth untold

-eleven-

Twice Dorm (Seoul) – December 2016

The squeals and the loud discussion about the new KBS drama ‘Hwarang’ by Nayeon, Momo and Sana really made Tzuyu wonder why did she even walk into the dining room in the first place;  if it were upto her, she’d take her dinner to her room but the girls had a rule since their training days that dinner must always be eaten together, unless a member is unwell.

“Isn’t Park Seo-Jun Oppa so handsome?” Nayeon swooned.

“The long hair really suits him,” Momo added.

“I think it suits everyone in the cast,” Nayeon declared with her hand under her chin. “What a perfect cast.”

“I love that Taehyung-sshi is in the casting too; he really brings in that ‘cute’ factor to the-” Sana began to comment, but Momo shut her up by placing her hand over her mouth, and hissed, “Shh, Tzuyu’s coming in!”

Tzuyu rolled her eyes and took her place at the table. Ever since the drama aired, she would over-hear this kind of chatter everyday, which wasn’t helping with her commitment towards getting over Taehyung. Serving herself with the food laid out, she whispered a compliment to Jeongyeon and Ji-Hyo for their excellent cooking. She noticed they had prepared her favourites; she noticed the eyes of the members were on her most of the time through dinner; she noticed how extra-nice they were to her today in particular. Today, the 30th of December. The day of Taehyung’s birthday. A memory of the plans she made at the beginning of the year to surprise him for his birthday made her cringe internally. It was difficult to avoid remembering him when his birthday wishes and pictures were all over social media and TV. Her unnies behaving differently didn’t help her situation either; they behaved as though she was depressed or sick and she didn’t like that feeling.

She prepared herself to stand up to fetch some water, when Ji-Hyo stood up before her. “What do you need, Tzuyu?”

“Water, I’ll get it, she replied.

“I’ll get it for you,” the leader offered, readying herself to leave the table but Tzuyu stopped her.

“Unnie, I can get it by myself.”

“It’s fine, Tzuyu.”

Tzuyu stood up in rage. “Why!? I’m not so pathetic that I can’t even get water by myself!” she exclaimed, and she could see the visible confusion on the members’ faces. “He’s not that important to me that I’m going to worried sick just because of his birthday! Kim Taehyung is not important to me, and I don’t give a care in the world about his birthday.” She took a deep breath, trying to fight against the temper that was consuming her. “Stop acting this way, you’re not making me feel better by behaving as though I’m helpless. I will never, ever act that way over a boy;  I’ve come too far in life to let a boy control my emotions. So, please, just stop it.” She didn’t wait for any reactions or any responses and she immediately stormed back to her room.

As she closed the door behind her, she let out a dry laugh at the irony of her words; she was letting this boy control all of her emotions, even though she said otherwise. Guilt pricked at her as she had never spoken to her unnies like that ever; she loved them and respected them too much, and she still did. Her senses were clouded and she was overwhelmed by emotions. She would apologise to them soon, but she wanted to be alone for now.

Her feet carried her to the window seat, where she sat and opened the window, the harsh, December wind sweeping across her face. Despite the cold, the tears that fell down her eyes were warm against her cheeks; she missed him, in a way she never thought he would. The last thing she said to him still haunted her; she remembered how pained he looked when she sobered up that night. His fallen expression still stayed clearly in her mind; she hated the way she behaved. Even though she said what had to be said, she now wished she had said in a way that didn’t hurt him as much.