Where Will You Be Waking Up Tomorrow Morning

Chapter 8

TW: suicide and vague eating disorders, and medical trauma

"Brendon, do you have any relationship to Alexa?" The doctor asked, I was preparing for the worst.

"I'm her boyfriend, she doesn't have any family really. She is touring with me." I was so nervous, my knees were shaking, my eyes were watering. I couldn't stand to feel this way so quickly. I don't know how it happened, but I honestly loved her.

"She is going to make it, in fact she is awake now. She said we could talk to you. She wants to see you. She's been asking for you since she woke up about 20 minutes ago. We pumped her stomach, and are giving her IV's. But it was close, her heart stopped for a little bit on the way to the room. Her condition has been moved to stable" The doctor led me back through the door, as Dallon sat on his phone.

I saw her in that bed, they had put her in a gown, and all her cuts on her arms were visible. She was so small, and tiny, but she was sitting up. They had an IV in her arm. She was pale, as white light bulb with out the shine. She was smiling weekly at me.

"Brendon, I'm sorry." She croaked out.

"Oh, Alexa. I wish you would of talked to me. I know you feel like you had to do this, but you didn't. I love you, like really love you. Please promise me you will stay. Promise me, promise me you'll try." I was holding her hand, and leaning against the bed.

"Oh Brendon, I'm sorry. They said they wouldn't put me in the psych hospital at least. I want you to stay and I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I won't be able to tour. I fucked everything up. I don't want to delay the tour." She was crying, and looked so thin. She looked too thin, too fragile. She needed help.

"Alexa, we are going to cancel the tour. I am about to post the official post on the blog. I want to be here for you. Even in such a short time I don't want to lose you. You are first person I've felt this deeply about in such a short time, ever. I want you in my life. We can draft the note tonight, everyone has already been informed, and we posted a brief statement just saying shows would be cancelled." I kissed her hand and stroked her hair. 

"Brendon...I relapsed in my eating disorder. That's why I look so tiny, and tired and sick. That's why I tried to kill myself. I didn't want to continue feeling how I felt last time. But I thought about you as I was fading. I left a note in the medicine cabinet. I had weighed myself, and it triggered me. I'm down to 98 lbs, at five foot eight. I can't tour, and I understand if you don't want to deal with me."  Alexa was crying, and shivering in the cold hospital.

"Do you want me to sing to you? So you can go to sleep?" I offered to her as her eyes were closing.

"Yes, sing Always, please."

When the world gets too heavy

Put it on my back

I'll be your levy

You are taking me apart

Like bad glue

On a get well card

It was always you

Falling for me

Now there's always time

Calling for me

I'm the light blinking at the end of the road

Blink back to let me know

By the time I got to that part of the song, she was asleep. I watched as they wheeled her up to her actually hospital in which  I followed suit. Before I went to sleep in the chair, I drafted a note for the official tumblr.

hey guys, it's brendon. I just wanted to update you on the tour status. The rest of the shows will be cancelled. We will be refunding ticket money and making them up. Alexa Rankov, of Airplane Memories, is having some medical issues that require hospitalization, Due to the fact that she is my girlfriend, which I am also announcing now, I will be staying with her. I sincerely apologize guys, and I appreciate any understanding you may have.  Positive thoughts would be appreciated.