Where Will You Be Waking Up Tomorrow Morning

Somewhere around 19-idk at this point

TW: Eating Disorders and hospitals, and slight SH

As soon as a I started to stand up, Alexa's eyes went shut, and her head collapsed to the floor. I slowly set the rest of her down, as I stood on my feet. She was out, cold. But she hadn't overdosed. She really hadn't, I had seen her all day. I Immediately called 911. 

"Hello 911?" The operator answered. 

"My girlfriend is passed out and she's unresponsive but breathing. She hasn't had anything to eat in at least 3 days because of her eating disorder." I was freaking out, she couldn't do this. She couldn't die. She was mine, and I was at my breaking point with her. I couldn't deal as much as I wanted to.

The paramedics showed up and loaded us into the ambulance. She had woken up at this point, and had admitted to not eating for 5 days. They were taking her to the psych hospital eating disorder floor. She was crying. I was screaming. I had lost it. I was just crying and screaming and sitting in the floor outside the psych wing.

"We are going to admit Alexa, for at least a week. She will probably have a feeding tube, and here is the card with visiting hours. She needs to gain about 30lbs. We weighed her lower than what you said. We weighed her in at 91.4 and 5'9". She's severely underweight. Visiting hours start in about 10 minutes so you can see her. They are putting the tube in now.

I waited around for 10 minutes until I saw her. She was wearing a hospital gown, and her leggings.She had a blue tube going in her nose, and out behind her ears. She was a paper doll, a fragile paper doll. She for the first time I could see, didn't look beautiful. She looked sick and sad and it was killing me. I don't know how long I could keep this up. How long I could stay strong, how long I could see her breaking before it was breaking me. I couldn't understand how she could hate herself so much.

"Alexa, please come here." I was crying as we walked towards her room, and the unit was nice looking. Bland with brown couches and a table. It was clean and friendly. She shuffled slowly in hospital socks, the gown not even close to sticking to her body. The pants baggy, and her body shuffling. 

She sat down on the bed. "Oh Brendon, Brendon. I'm such a fuck up. Please get rid of me. Please dump me, save yourself the trouble." She kept coughing because of the feeding tube, her words choking behind her throat.

"Alexa, I would never leave you. But it is really, really, fucking hard to see you like this. It's destroying me. I...I have to show you something." I rolled up my sleeves to reveal a line of 3 deep cuts on the side of my upper arm. 

"I love you so much, that you destroying your self destroys me."