Where Will You Be Waking Up Tomorrow Morning

26

So it was official, we were engaged AND she was pregnant. Which was freaking me out, like how could be a Dad? I still feel like I am 12. It was like all this rsesponsablitly was coming down at once. The wedding was planned for tomorrow, because this is before she started showing too much. We were just going to go and get married at the house with just a few people. She had started dress shopping. I was going to wear a normal suit, with satin trip. We had only waited a month from engagement to wedding. I decided to have the dress be a surprise, as it should be. 

I was standing at the alter next to the justice of the peace, and waited. She was walking herself down the aisle, to Birdy's cover of Skinny Love. The few friends that were in attendance stood up when the music started. The outside was beautiful, the pool reflecting the sunset sky, and shadows casting long.  Then I saw her. She was as breathtaking as I'd ever seen her.  In a pale blue dress that went to her mid-shin. The dress had beading at the top and and was flowey at the bottom. I had a tear run down my face. Life was stunning. Everything was stunning. She made her way up and faced me, tears running down my face. 

"Do you, Brendon Boyd Urie take Alexa Megan Rankov as your lawful wedded wife?" The justice asked.

"I do." The simple reply spoke volumes.

"Do you Alexa Megan Rankov take Brendon Boyd Urie as your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do." She choked back a tear. 

"I know pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Brendon Urie. You may now kiss the bride." I kissed her and the few people cheered. We walked down the aisle as man and wife, and maybe this time it will last, forever. 

Our first dance was to If I Tremble by Front Porch Step. It was beautiful.  We were, and are in love.  After all the circumstance we went back into the house, and just laid there, on the deck, just laying on the wooden surface, watching the stars. 

"I want you to know that you just made my life. That all I could want I have. Right in this moment is where I want to stay forever. Just you and me, forever. If I could freeze time I would." I kissed her on the nose. It was hard to believe it had just been a year with her. 

"I love you Brendon. More anyone, more than anything, I just want you to know that tomorrow we can find out the gender of the baby. I was thinking after that we should announce it publicly. 

"I can't wait to find out." We changed into comfortable clothes and I looked at Alexa's stomach, inside her was our child. We had made something, we really had. Snuggling up close to each other, everything was all right. We were all right. Life was really starting to shape up for both of us.

When I woke up in the morning something was wrong. Very wrong. The bed was covered in blood and Alexa was gone. "ALEXA!!! PLEASE ANSWER!!! WHAT IS WRONG?" I hollered at first thinking a crime had been committed. 

I heard sobbing from the bathroom. Suddenly I knew, she had lost it. Either slit her wrists, or lost the baby. 

"I lost the baby. I lost them. I lost it. I went to the doctor. You were still asleep. I didn't even think to wake you. It's gone. I'm mourning for what was still the idea of a family, the idea of a life, the idea of a person. It wasn't even yet something we had announced or told anyone, but I am mourning for the idea. Not for the child. It was too early to be a child, it was an idea, it was cells. But it was our idea." She choked it out between sobs, as I came in to find her curled on the floor, on top of a towel.

"Why didn't you wake me up Alexa? I would of wanted to support you. I want to be there for the good and the bad." I said, rubbing her shoulder. 

"I just didn't even think, I was in a state of panic. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry. I am so sorry." She stood up, and started walking to the closet. Pulling out the original t-shirt I gave her, in what felt like light years ago, on that tour bus. Suddenly everything was collapsing on me at once. Six Months, that was all it took. Six months. But it was all worth it. Everything was worth it. 

"Alexa, it will be ok. It probably just means that this wasn't the right time. I'm here, I'm always gonna be here." She walked over to the bed, and started changing the sheets. Then I started singing Always.  After the sheets were changed she collapsed into my chest as I sang. 

"Blink back to let me know."