You Have Influenced Me More Than I Can Imagine.

Before I realized it was Winter,
I adjusted to the temperature.
I almost died many times,
and I had shed my skin over and over.
I kept going and going
until I became older and older.

Sure I might have lost years off my life-
I'll be recovering for much longer-
I just can't help but feel proud of myself
for being completely naked
and living in Winter.

Mornings I'll dance in my head and sing 'til I'm dead,
goodbye to the glory days of rain.
I've been up and down those stairs more than I can bare,
but maybe I'll make peace with it today.

The pain hasn't gone away but at least
it's consistent.

I wonder if the spirits in the sky can sing me a lullaby
with my full face showing.
Throw away all the actor masks and scripted tasks
and finally let go of all the snowing-
around me, this life pours heavy.

Typical,
you have influenced me more than I can imagine.
I'll never forgive you but I will let you go.
All the days you taught me how not to be
while forcing me to fit in
with a gaslight and a shovel.

I survived almost 19 years of delusion
and I'd be lying to say I'm healed.
I've been chained to a life full of lies
and ignorance-
a life that a lot of us have lived here.

To the ones who have hurt me,
you have influenced me more than I can imagine.
I hope you live a fulfilling life knowing about
the snow,
how far I've walked and how far I've come,
and how I'm able to be naked in front of you.

I wonder if you will ever see
what success means to me.

And finally,
To the ones who have been there for me
and the ones who have taught me everything.
You have influenced me more than I can even imagine.
If I would have fallen so early,
I wouldn't have been enlightened.
I'm still far from holy,
but I'll hope you'll come with me
out of the cave into the next stage of my life.

I'll hold you in my arms even if I die
because you've helped me save my life.

I emerge from this cave into the light,
I have influenced myself more than I can imagine-
the sky beams bright.