Warrior - Lokixreader

I see you - Y/N

I cannot believe I let him affect me so much that I could feel his hands gripping me tightly. I wanted the shower to clear my head, not drive me to madness.

His hand gripping my throat, with his fingers pushing against my veins, making me gasp. His other hand, roaming down my body. I hate to admit the wetness that created between my legs was embarrassingly a lot. I've never felt so much desire that I couldn't help myself and ended up backed against the wall driving my fingers inside trying to quench it.

I felt released, but not satisfied and it annoyed me that I had the slightest inclination that only his touch, his lips, his cock, would be the only things to bring me that glorious, all consuming, euphoria that only he seemed to be able to provide.

Fuck him!

Fuck his cock!

Fuck his pretty face!

Fuck those hands and those lips against my skin!

I huffed loudly in frustration, stomping across my room.

I buried myself in my covers after putting on some comfortable clothes but all I wanted was him wrapped around me, holding me close.

I need to just sleep this off.

Thankfully I'm exhausted after my early rise before dawn and the little escapade this morning. It might not be night yet - I don't even think it's midday, but I am tired and drift off into a deep sleep quickly.

......................

I wake covered in sweat, standing in a darkened corridor only lit by a few small side lights. My heart hammering in my chest and my throat dry. I must have slept for hours for it to be dark already. I feel like I must have been sleep walking to end up here. How did I get here?

I try to recall what happened when I see her standing before me - Gyda.

I reach out to try and touch her before she turns into mist. A vapour, disappearing between my fingers as I scream, calling out for her - for my baby.

The memories from my dream, or should I say nightmare flash before me.

Gyda was sick, I tried to comfort her. I applied cold compress after compress, trying anything to bring her fever down. She was so hot, so sweaty, but shivering, complaining she was cold. The sweat beading on her little face, her pleading eyes, begging me to do something, anything to help her. How pale her skin turned, her lips almost blue as she struggled to breathe.

I asked my neighbours for help to sacrifice my largest cow, my largest sheep and goat. All their blood, collected, then offered to the God's, praying they would help her.

I sat with Gyda, telling her stories as I held her hands. Stories of Odin's eye, Thor's wedding, Baldur's death and Loki's punishment. As many as I could tell her before my throat grew hoarse.

I sang to her, Drømde mik en drøm i nat over and over. Anything to bring her what little peace I could offer.

But she slipped from our world as the fever took hold of her.

It was me that built her pyre, me that washed and dressed her for the next world, me that laid her upon the sticks of pine, me that lit the torch and lowered the flame to catch the wood alight. Neighbors offered, but I refused help. She was my baby to care for and help to pass into Niflheim.

I remember standing for hours watching her burn until there was only embers left. The smell of her chard body stayed on my skin for days after. I refused to wash myself, it was the last piece of her I had apart from her locks of hair I had braided into my own.

I'm brought back from my memories by Loki calling my name from behind me. As I turn to look at him, the look of worry across his face is startling.

"Y/N? Y/N are you alright? I heard you screaming?" he asked me, concern laced his voice.

"I am fine"

He stepped closer to me into the light. He's breathing heavily and hasn't taken his eyes from me.

"It's nothing you could help with anyway"

"Y/N"

I stepped closer to him, narrowing my eyes.

"What do you want Loki?"

I watched him blinking furiously like he was fighting some inner turmoil, before a look of clarity washed over his face and he stared into my eyes, taking a step closer.

"You - I want you," he said shifting awkwardly on his feet.

I couldn't believe what he was saying. Perhaps I was still dreaming? I mean I wasn't in my room or in my bed. I silently dug my fingernail into my palm as I clenched my hand into a fist.

"What did you say?" I asked, shocked.

Definitely not dreaming - I can feel the slight pain that is growing in my hand.

"I want to know you - I want you to know me," Loki said nervously.

Loki looking nervous was making me nervous. Everything I had been feeling since yesterday morning when we fought, when I took my shower, all that lust, to now having had my nightmare, and feeling distraught - I've woken to this?

I was again wrapped in grief, wrapped in sorrow and all he wants to do is start declaring that he wants me?
Can't he see the tears that stain my face? Can't he feel my despair?
How lost I am at this moment.
My anguish for my child.

I took a breath deep as my anger bubbled. My fighting instincts were kicking in. They always did when I didn't know what to do. When my grief took over.

I grit my teeth,

"And I suppose you always get what you want - seeing as you're a God," my voice was laced with venom as I spoke. I even scared myself a little with my tone.

"Do you know what I want?"

Loki took a step back shaking his head as he looked at me with pleading eyes.

"No," he said quietly.

"I want to go home - I want to hold my daughter - but we don't get what we want - not in this world"

A sudden spark of an idea flashed through me. Something he could help me to answer. Loki stepped forward to take my hand but I stepped back away from him.

"Is Valhalla real?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion.

"What? Of course it's real"

"Good - then I just need to die in battle correct?"

Loki's mouth dropped open.

"Am I right? I just need to die with honour in battle and I'll be able to see Gyda again"

Loki's chest heaved in panic, terror filling his eyes as he spluttered.

"Y/N... You... You can't!"

"And who's going to stop me?"

"You can't!" he shouted at me.

He rushed forward grabbing hold of my arms.

"You can't Y/N - I won't let you! You cannot just throw your life away!"

I tried to pull away from him but his grip only tightened.

"And what do I have?" I shouted at him, squaring up to him, but he didn't say anything, he just stared down at me.

"Exactly - nothing!" I shouted in his face before I shoved him hard in the chest.

Tears started to run down my face as I hit him again and again, pounding my fists into him as I shouted and screamed.

He just let me, he let me take it all out on him. My rage, my frustration, everything, until I slumped onto him and he held me in his arms as I sobbed into his chest.

"You have me Y/N - you have me," he whispered quietly into my hair.