WWII (Book 1)

32 ~

I drove Mia and Dan to school and drove home straight away. I was about to park the car when I saw that there was already one parked next to my place. I frowned. I didn't want anyone to see me like this but I had nowhere else to go. I got out of the car after parking it and walked to my house. Kyle was standing in front of it. He saw me and I saw his face light up. As I approached him, the light in his eyes faded away. 'You look terrible' he said with the help of his hands. I looked away. 'I know.'
He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same. I missed this, I missed being hold by someone. He gently stroke my hair, like a friend would do to reassure his friend. We stayed like this for a couple of minute before breaking the hug. He slightly smiled but it was enough to make me realize how stupid I was to kick everyone out of my life. I needed friends, I needed them all.
But when you remember why it all fell apart, why you hid yourself from the rest of the world, you feel it again. And even friends can't save you from yourself. No one can save you from your mind, you have to do it yourself. Who would even understand your pain ? It's the same concept as for an iceberg. They will never see everything. And they never really think about it. After all, why would they ?
I was filled with shame. I couldn't meet Kyle's look anymore, afraid that he would find out the truth inside of my eyes. I looked down and pushed him away from the door. He protested, not wanting me to fall in darkness again. He grabbed my arm "Please!" he mouthed. I shook my head and freed my arm from his hand. "Leave me alone and never come back." I said before closing and locking the door behind me. I leaned against it, waiting for Kyle to go.
All I needed was Daniel, but at the same time I was scared. What if he finds out about what Woody did and never forgive us ? I was as guilty as him.
I didn't deserve Daniel. I didn't deserve his children neither his love. I didn't deserve to live.