Daily Interactions

Closure

We started unexpectedly but it was sweet. The daily messages, sweet nothings whispered, the stolen moments. Each stamping a smile on my face and a precious memory in my heart which I had thought was ironclad against love. You broke through it all despite us knowing this is temporary, we can't see how this could last forever with our different goals for the future which didn't include each other.

It had been more than two years though living in different continents now, you had always been consistent in your interactions and actions. Of course things had changed from day one but it is not any less precious. Distance and daily experiences changed our communication frequency and topics. But you were always the constant in the storm that is life. 

The last few weeks had been very unlike you and I wasn't sure if it's you contracting Covid, work or something else. It felt different, strange even.

I tried to give you space that you had needed and I had grown accustomed to. But I worried silently. Did you know how it feels? To have a million things running in the mind, to have words bottled inside, locked away and smothered away, to constantly remind self to not overthink, to not make mountains out of molehill when surely you are just busy and stressed with life and work.

I guess it is someone else. And when you confirmed that, I am not surprised that in the end, this had happened and you must have been lonely. Having someone physically there is very different from what we had. I wouldn't make you choose between a tangible future and an intangible dream.

Long ago, we did speak about this before. What if someone comes into our lives in real life, what we should do then and we did say we will talk about it when it happens. 

But that didn't happen as we promised each other then. Perhaps you didn't know what to say or do and hence pulled a disappearing act suddenly. And only to come back to answer my plea to let me know you are fine and not hurt somewhere in a ditch and then dropping the bomb that yes you met someone whom you are fighting your attraction for because of me. And pulled yet another disappearing act, leaving my messages unread.  

It is not fair to me. I do deserve to know earlier, to not worry unnecessarily, to talk this out and then we can decide on if this is where our journey ends. Was I with a stranger for the last 2 plus years? Did I misread you so much?  

It's a bittersweet feeling.

Despite knowing the ending of the story before we started, I have hoped for a better ending still.

~
You got your closure but I'm missing mine

I gave you everything you need

To rip my heart right off my sleeve

And I still don't know why it hurts so bad

'Cause you can't lose something that you never had