Daily Interactions

Priorities

The soft laughter catches his attention, it is impossible for it not to when his whole body is tuned in to the younger man, instinctively knowing when he enters a room, eyes automatically seeking for him, ears straining to hear his voice. How can he not when he loves the other so?

Again that laughter teases his ears. He grab his phone and wallet, deciding that it is a good time to take grab some coffee since there is still time before the meeting commences. He left the room flashing a tight smile to Krist who glance up at him as he passes him by.

Why is he torturing himself?

That is the question he asks himself more often than not, over and over again for more than a year now. Ever since he let the other go. And it is no one's fault but his own.

*****

Again he watches again. And again, that closed expression which hides so much. He had once thought that he can be the one making the older open up, be the one who can stand by him and walk together with him as they go forth in this chosen career together. He had wanted to be the other's reason to smile, to laugh, to love and for a short while, he was that person.

He sees Singto grab his phone and wallet before making his way to the door. Their eyes meet for a miniscule second and that hated tight smile is flashed. What does that mean? He is the one who had not wanted this, who had left him with the world crashing down around him when he had thought everything was roses and peaches. So why these looks and smiles?

Why can't he move on from the older?

It have been more than a year. He deserves to be happy, he know he does. So why is he still dissecting every action from Singto as if it all correlate with him, why is he so obsessed with the other as if the other still cares about him, loves him? Is it time to let go? He should, shouldn't he?

*****

Sipping the hot coffee, taking care to not burn his tongue, his mind wander off to his favorite subject, one that fills his mind more than he should.

"Why?"
"It is not you.."
"Bullshit."
"Kit.."
"Don't fucking call me that name, not when you are doing this."

A soft sigh was heaved as guilty eyes meet stricken ones.

"Krist. Let's just be friends."
"Why....at least tell me that."
"I have too much going on. Between work, studies and my dad, I.."
"Okay."

He watches as Krist walks off, not letting him finish. In that second, he knew that he had fucked up. Terribly so. But a jumble of words were stuck in his throat, his usual eloquent self struck dumb.

He had typed hundreds of messages all unsent. His finger had hovered over the dial button a million times since then, unable to press that button. After a while, it is better to let the younger go, to move on, to hold on to him is only to hurt the younger again.

*****

Krist flip through his gallery photos, deciding to do some housekeeping since he is running out of memory card space as he waited for the meeting to start. Starting from the beginning seems like a good place to start. He smiles as he sees picture of his friends and family from two years ago, all of them in various poses and places.

His eyes landed on one picture which he thought he had deleted but apparently not. Ironically taken a day before the carpet was pulled from under his feet. He looks happy, they looked happy. But it does not matter. Because to Singto, he is not in his priorities, he is not important enough and that is why he is the one dropped from his life instead of making the effort to keep.

If there were other reasons given that day, he might have argued and pleaded for them to try on, but when he is not even in someone's top three or of equal priority, is there a point? He had held onto his pride then and walked away with his head barely held high. He had turned up to work the next day civil to the older as if nothing have ever started between them, much less ended.

His thumb hovered over the delete button.

*****

The younger is like a flame to his moth. He cannot help but move closer to him, taking the excuse that the room is packed and there isn't any seats left except for the one next to him. Krist did not see him nearing him, his brows furrowed in concentration as he chewed on his lower lip.

Singto's eyes flicked downwards to the phone held tightly between those slim fingers, the thumb hovering over that delete button. His eyes widened at the picture of them, recalling the candid shot the younger had taken of them on their date, how happy they were, how he had thought this will be their norm.

That night he was set back firmly on the ground with his recent examination result slip where he barely passed and to add salt to open wound, complaints that he is not spending enough time building his fanbase as he have been rejecting certain promotional activities in favor of studies or spending more time with his loved ones.

He made a bad snapshot decision under all the pressure. Perhaps he just have to work harder, to prioritize better so he did not have to let go of the younger, to speak to the younger who would have definitely understand versus making his own decision to end them.

*****

Krist sigh before his thumb moved away from the delete button. A mirroring sigh but one of relief instead of exasperation drew his eyes up.

"Kit..."

That name. He haven't call him by that since that day. Krist looks away as he bites down on his lower lip, no, he can't just crumble by that one word uttered by the one person who controls his heart.

"I am sorry."

The soft apology confuses the younger. What exactly is Singto sorry for? Before he can ask that, P'Gin the lead organizer arrived, signaling the commencement of the meeting.

*****

He grab hold of Krist's hand when the meeting ended, hustling them both out of the room and up to where they used to carry their secret meetings or dates if you call them that. Krist followed without a protest, both ignoring curious eyes watching them hurry past.

As they arrive at the small area on the roof where few know that is accessible to public, they stand in silence as they just stared at each other for the longest time, memorizing each other's faces.

"Why the sorry?"

Krist crosses his arms across his chest as he turns away to look out at dusty noisy Bangkok, turning softer with dusk arriving.

"You are important. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I screwed up. I made you feel as if you are not. I am sorry."

Arms reach out to tentatively embrace the younger who stiffened before relaxing. Krist never thought he will be in this position, not after this long of so many missed chances for them to talk, the longer it had passed, the harder for them to bring it up.

Singto shares his regrets, his worries, his wishes, how his hope bloomed when that one picture was not deleted. The younger too shared all his insecurities, his doubts, how his feelings never changed despite knowing he should.

They both stand in silence after a long while, the older holding the younger in his arms, watching the still busy streets bustling along in the night.

"Where do we go from here?"

The soft question lingered in the air.

"I'll go wherever you go. I will make this work."

The fervent promise whispered against the younger's ear, the resolve is heard and accepted. Krist curls his fingers around the firm forearms around his belly.

They will make this work together.