Daily Interactions

Insignificant

He looks across the table, seeing the younger laughing while playing with the kitten who is batting his finger as the hairdresser is fixing his hair. The younger started to pout when the said kitten grew bored and walked towards him, his next target for attention. He smiles as the kitten nuzzles into his palm before starting to claw at the loose sleeve hanging off his lean frame. He looked up from the kitten to see the other staring at him. That look, reminding him of a simpler time when he did not have to hold back, when they can laugh easily over the smallest things, a thought communicated with an arch of an eyebrow.

The time when their paths start to entangle together as they chase for their dream together is simple and complex. It is inevitable that they grew close. It shows in every interaction, how easily they smile in the presence of the other, how they seek each other out automatically in the events. But how can he let there be anything more?

Compared to the extrovert, he is the introvert, to the playful, he is the serious, to the light, he is the dark, to someone who grew so significant in his life, he felt his own insignificance. They are complete opposites but at the same time, perfect compliment to each other. And that thought alone sparked a dangerous thought. One that he snuffs out as soon as he forms them.

The most insignificant me have the biggest dreams
I would like to live in every corner with you quietly

He starts to distance himself from the other, treating the other strictly as a younger brother and nothing more. It is not that difficult, so he thought as they finished their promotional activities together as their television series and its sequel had finished screening and they went to forge their own paths in the industry. However the fans of them together did not forget them. The constant petitions to the company had them still have advertisements or events together which appeased the fans.

Every meetup with the younger had him being awkward, silent, trying to not show the depth of his feelings which had grown for over the years. This one moment made him realize something. How did so many years pass him by with the depth of his feelings not lessening at all? He sighed a little inwardly and concentrated on the kitten who now settled for semi chewing on a stray thread from his sleeve. 

“P’Sing?”

He looked up with a start at the soft voice. Looking around, there were no one else left but them and the kitten. When did the rest of the staff leave them alone? Did he miss the cue to go out to the set?

“Sorry, is it our turn?”

Krist shook his head as he now sat at the empty chair next to Singto and reached out for the kitten who refused to leave her new obsession, the string that refuses to detach from the older man’s sleeve. 

“They went to grab some drinks since the photoshoot is delayed for 30 minutes. The prop is stuck in traffic.”

The older nodded his thanks at the explanation as they fell silent again, nowadays a common occurrence between them. How did he let them reach this stage? It is not like it had changed anything except hurt the other and himself. But it is for his own good, self perseverance since he knows the other will never return his feelings.

“Sing...”

That soft whisper penetrated his dark thoughts. He looked up at the sad eyes looking at him.

“I miss you.”

His traitorous heart jumped at that. He must not think too much into it.

“Kit..”
 
The younger’s lips curled in a pout before he softly spoke.

“You haven’t called me that for years.”
“No, I must have..”

His weak protest was received with a vehemont shake of the head. The tell tale stubborn look that he knew so well settled on the other’s face. 

“You were so fucking civil and acted as if I am a stranger. Every day I thought maybe it was a phase but it wasn’t. You then ghosted me after the series had ended. What did I do to you? To us? Did I imagine all of that we had then? And till now, I still wonder why?”

The amount of anger and hurt in the other’s voice showed him how much he had erred in his choices and how much the other also suffered.

“It wasn’t fair to you. I am sorry.”

The other deflated visibly like a balloon losing its air. His fingers curled in the soft fur of the kitten.

“Why?”

He breathed in deeply, knowing the game is up. This is the make or break of it, not that he hasn't broken them already.

“I feel too much.”

That was received with silence. And a blink of the eyes and more silence.

“Present tense?”

Of everything that the younger can say, he has to ask that. The older takes another fortifying breath before nodding once, eyes fixated on a non existent dirt speckle on the table.

“You infuriating idiot.”

He barely registered that sentence when he found himself with a lap full of Krist who hugs him tightly. What had just happened?

“I present tense you too.”

He relaxed at the soft murmur. They can figure it out later, how he can make it up to the other for everything. For now, this is where they need to be. Another dangerous thought is formed but this time, he did not snuff it out. 

Don’t be afraid, let me stay by your side and get you through everything
The most insignificant me has the smallest dream