The Mishaps Of Kusuo Saiki And Various Other Less Important Characters

So you want to know what Kaidou is like when he has a crush?

These titles are getting obscenely long. But that's not the point of this fun little anecdote.

It doesn't matter who it is, where it's happening, or what's going on around him. These are the stages.

Stage one: Realization/Panic. This is the stage where he finally knows he has the hots for someone, and then he realizes he has no clue what that means.

Now I lied, the environment does matter for this stage, but it only affects the intensity of his reaction. If he's at home, he may wail at the top of his lungs and fall to his knees, and he may do the same walking home from school. In class, he might turn a considerably vibrant shade of red and deflate at his desk. It all depends.

Stage two: This is the planning stage. As long as his crush isn't Aren, he will talk with him and try to find a way to (A) get rid of his crush or (B) talk to them. If it is Aren, he might talk to Nendou (in which he has a much higher chance of failing but a much better chance of getting a relationship), but that's a story for another time.

Stage three: Plan goes into action. Now let's say he went with Plan A. He may try to avoid his crush at all costs for fear of falling more in love with them. This will fail, because lo, it is a comedy anime. It leads to the same results as Plan B either way.

In the instance he chooses to apply Plan B, he approaches Said Crush with confidence, but is immediately shot down by the sight of them. He becomes flustered and his voice gets high-pitched. You know, you've heard it. He tries to make small talk but ends up talking about the weather, like any wimpy teenage boy would do.

Stage four: Ego boost. This occurs when he becomes more comfortable around his crush. If he already was comfortable, he would skip stage three. He greatly fears unrequited love, therefore, he makes an attempt at impressing Said Crush. Doing this is normal activity for him, but in this situation, it is much more fervent, and simultaneously much more annoying for the recipient. Usually, this includes a passionate rambling about the Jet Black Wings. In this ongoing attempt to impress his crush, he will spout fallacies, such as stories of epic fights he (hasn't) been included in or major achievements he (hasn't) claimed.

Stage five: He either gets rejected or accepted, and in either case, it's not good for me. Oh, it's Saiki narrating, by the way, but you might have guessed that. Although, in the case his love is returned, he may divert his attention from me. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.