The Mishaps Of Kusuo Saiki And Various Other Less Important Characters

Road Trip part 2 (R.I.P. Saiki)

I do not care.

"But- listen- I can hold it-" Akechi stammered.

We both know very well you can't. Plenty of people do it, just go.

"EXACTLY."

Toritsuka, go with him. 

"You're the boss." And with that command, Toritsuka took Akechi by the arm and dragged him to the side of the highway. I'm not going to elaborate on this, let's just say they did their business. That was more of a hassle than it should've been. Then again, what do I expect?

We waited. And waited. And waited. Akechi and Toritsuka disappeared? How did I not notice? I guess I was so invested in this coffee.

"You and me.. alone.. in a car.." Aiura started.

On the side of a smelly highway.. missing two people..

"You're so silly. Are you fighting the urge to kiss me right now?"

No. I'm really into this coffee though.

"Honest as always. Or is he?" Aiura turned back to where Akechi and Toritsuka are- well, were. I thought they would have come running back by now. This calls for clairvoyance.

"They're hitchhiking a mile ahead." Or, I could just let Aiura look into her fancy little crystal ball. But I'm missing the point. A mile?! I punched the gas and Aiura used her crystal ball to give me directions. It's a fortune teller/GPS, pretty handy if you ask me. For a non-psychic. I could hear familiar dialogue just up ahead after driving twice the speed limit for roughly thirty seconds.

"Please sir, we lost our friends, we have no money, and we're far from home," Toritsuka explained to some dude with a pickup truck. All of those were lies. The guy they were talking to looked sketchy, but after reading his mind for a moment, he- never mind, there is no but. He is sketchy. Toritsuka needs to work on judging character.

I pulled over with another screech and Akechi's face lit up, but Toritsuka didn't seem to notice. Akechi poked Toritsuka.

"No can do, kid, if you don't have any money. Gas prices are up," the unknown man grunted.

"Sir please, we can pay you back once you get us home. Our friends abandoned us, don't you have any sympathy?" Toritsuka pleaded. He wasn't lying, or at least he didn't think he was. He genuinely felt like we abandoned him on purpose.

"No."

"Reita," Akechi mumbled, and poked him again.

"PLEASE-"

"No." The man got in his car and drove away, leaving Toritsuka on his knees.

"WE'VE LOST ALL HOPE, TOUMA. NOBODY WANTS TO HELP US. WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN-"

"THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!!! GOOD LORD!!" Akechi screamed. 

"Oh. HI SAIKI!"

Get in. Did you go?

"Yeah!" Akechi slid into the backseat and Toritsuka followed. He sounded too proud. I'm not going to ask how they ended up a mile ahead in less than five minutes.

Akechi ran his mouth for a while after that, but Toritsuka was silent.

He must've heard my thoughts. I thought they actually left us to die.. His mind wasn't quiet enough.

"It actually wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. I'm glad you dropped me off there, you know there's a first time for everything! I've gained a lot of experience so far on this trip and we haven't even been out that long, I find it interesting how one can learn so much just from needing to constantly excrete bodily substances from every possible orifice-"

"We don't need to hear it." Aiura pulled a pair of shades out of nowhere and put them on, inhaling the remains of her beverage. "I'm glad you had such a great time pissing on a tree, though."

This is getting ridiculous. Curse the author. This trip is not satisfying.

"There's a place a few minutes ahead, they sell coffee jelly and I know that's your favorite so let's stop by." This trip is so satisfying. Akechi usually knows exactly what to say.

Maybe I should look on the brighter side of things. Everyone else seems to be having fun, and they found a way to include my interest...

Nah. That would be a huge change of character and the fandom isn't ready for that. But still, nobody died and nobody was injured. I can't say this trip was a success, but I guess it wasn't all that awful..