Life in Benidorm

S6 E3

This morning I woke up with an enormous sense of relief. I remembered what had happened last night remembered that Mateo was still there and even better that egotistic cocky smug bastard wasn't. Today was one of the only days where I felt happy when I arrived at work.
Unfortunately my happiness soon vanished when the second I walked through the door I had Joyce tell me to get in line for a meeting. For some strange reason Joyce had a weird habit of holding meetings in the middle of reception for everyone to listen in to. Whatever the reason is I did as I was told and stood in between Leslie and Mateo which was my usual spot. They also had a look on their faces that said they wanted to anywhere else but here. Like an electric chair.
"Okay team I won't keep you very long" lies "just to say that we have now more or less weeded out the last of the bogus wristbands" she held one of them up gleefully. Turns out the reason it was so packed last night was because someone had sold fake wristbands to random people who obviously then used them for free drinks and food. We spent a bit of last night gathering some and when I was not here some people had clearly been gathering the rest. I respect the people that did that.
"All genuine Solana residents have now been issued with the new pink style band" with the same enthusiastic smile she showed us the new bands. "But if anyone is acting suspicious please ask them for their room number and check against the database" Joyce seemed to think her new system was flawless but I had my concerns with that. Apparently Leslie did too and she didn't hesitate to ask.
"How will we do that?" She asked speaking for me as well.
"Sorry?" Joyce's smile dropped.
"Well if we're serving behind the pool bar and we want to find out if someone is a genuine resident and they haven't just bought their wristband in a pub" she was explaining it very slowly to Joyce whilst she was nodding and trying to keep up. "How do we check the database?". Joyce looked around nervously. For the first time ever she didn't have an answer. Suddenly Mateo piped up with a solution. God help us all.
"We ask them to describe their room" I didn't actually know if he was serious or not but when Joyce started to congratulate him I looked gave them all an 'are you for real' look.
"Very good Mateo" She then harshly looked over at me who was still giving her a look of disbelief. "I'm glad to see someone's thinking in their feet" she spat at me and even snarled me little. I just snarled right back.
"Well you couldn't think of a solution either to a system that you created" I fired back with as much as possible.
"Oi" she exclaimed. I think she was used to me by now.
"And if the people say their room is nice and comfortable" Mateo began still happy with his own idea. "We know we are smelling the rats". Despite the fact he got the saying wrong both me and Leslie let our hearty laughs at Mateo unintentional Solana slander. I think Joyce now didn't like Mateos idea because now she looked really irritated. And to be honest working with us I'm not surprised.
"Just send them to the front desk and I'll check their identity" Joyce hissed. I kinda started to zone out mid way through that sentence though due to Kenneth and Liam parading in carrying a big box.
"Morning" Kenneth said to Joyce cheerily when she noticed him and gave him a strange stare.
"What's that?" She asked rather bluntly.
"What's it got to do with you?" He replied with the same bluntness. Another reason why me and Kenneth got on so well. Joyce huffed.
"You are bringing it into my hotel that's what it's got to do with me" she sassed. Joyce had definitely got more sassy but Kenneth could easily match whatever she gave him. I stood back and watched what he was about to unleash.
"And now it's going into my salon so keep your fat nose out" Joyce gaped in horror as Kenneth trotted past her with the box.
"I think you've got a lovely nose" Liam added as he went past her. I smiled at Joyce's anger.
"Class dismissed" she quickly spat before storming off after Kenneth. I could already predict what was going to happen. Joyce was going to demand respect and Kenneth wasn't going to give it to her. Me and Mateo went straight to the pool bar to start our shift.

Since yesterday more than half of the people had left so today was lovely and quiet. The sun was calm and not blistering hot and the light breeze was very refreshing. I thought that today was going to be nice and calm. But then again I thought that at the start of everyday. And the trend continued today because the second the thought entered my head one fo the worst things for a bar woman to see scooted round the pool on two seater mobility chairs screaming like middle aged men at the rugby. A tribe of rowdy men on a stag do. I audibly groaned. Mateo also saw them (to be honest it was impossible not to) and started cursing in Spanish.
"Why do these English men always have to come on their stupid stag parties here?" Mateo grumbled as one of the scooters nearly pushed some poor woman into the pool.
"I know English and I think it's because here the police are less likely to arrest you here for public urination when you're completely arseholed" I explained to Mateo.
"What is public urination?" He questioned.
"When you piss in the streets" I informed him bluntly.
"Oh like that man there" i furrowed my eyebrows at Mateo so he pointed in the direction of a man that was facing a plant pot with his hands in front of him. It was obvious what he was doing because of the grossed out faces of the people around him. I became one of them.
"Argh Jesus Christ! It's only half ten. How are these people drunk already?" I exclaimed.
"You know the English I know crazy men. These aren't even drunk" I gaped at Mateo and then at the men who were coming worryingly closer to the bar as the screamed.
"God they're not coming over here" I mumbled as I got out from behind the bar.
"What are you doing?" Mateo asked.
"I'm gonna get rid of them" I briefly answered. "Oi Wacky Races?" I shouted across the pool to them. They understood I was talking to them which just goes to show that even they know they're acting like imbeciles. Their heads turned to me.
"Oh look lads. Even the staff want to join in" One of them called back. I couldn't tell which one because they all had their gobs hanging open.
"Yeah not quite. I just thought I'd tell you that you need to check in at reception before you can get drinks" they mumbled amongst themselves.
"Oh we already did" a different man said. Wow they were slightly more organised than I expected but not to worry I had a back up plan.
"No stag dos have to check in with the manageress" They didn't but if I could get them to Joyce she could deal with them and they'd be away from us. Joyce could certainly handle these men.
"Well how do we know who the manageress is?".
"Because she'll run over to you and say I'm Joyce Temple Savage Solana manageress" I could say that with little hesitation. She seemed to say it to everyone she met probably outside of the hotel as well.
"Right lads let's spin it round" screamed the man at the front. I'm guessing that he was the groom to be because he seemed to be the ring leader of the group. I rejoiced as they reversed their scooters back into the building nearly running over and entire family.
"What did you do?" Mateo asked confused.
"I sent them to Temple Savage so she'll boot them out" I replied simply. He nodded in response completely unbothered. It might seem a bit bad that we're sending people away but if you've ever dealt with serving alcohol to a rowdy stag party you know were Im coming from.