the ruin of my soul~ third collection of poetry

i dont blush

went to new york.
hibachi hooray!
i didn't know that this
would be the day.
i text him.
it's fine.
we do this
all the time
but something has changed
something is new
deep down im wishing
for a dream to come true.
shit
i pressed send
that wasn't supposed to go through!
now oh god-
"he's gonna stop talking to you."
been writing him letters
long and so stuffed
as a way to tell him
that i am in love.
a way to tell him
without all that risk
it's so stupid
i know
im so full of shit.
"why did you do it?"
"why are you are nervous?"
"why are your cheeks are all lit?"
"why are you blushy?"
"who are your texting?"
i wasn't ready for this.
"mom, i don't blush!"
she laughed with my dad.
"honey you do.
you've always had."
then my phone died
my head in my hands
great great great
now where do we stand?
im going to run.
a coward
so dumb
because i know
that i'll never
be the one.