Leavitt Stafford and the Awful, Terrible, Not Very Nice Plan.

Chapter the First: The Letter

Once Leavitt had begun to fret over the delay of his dear wife, Evelyn, a letter arrived which was scrawled with rather despondent-looking handwriting, delivered from the brother of the husband of Evelyn's sister Georgia, a gentleman of the appellation Mr. Leopold Cummings*, as demonstrated by the atrocious quality of the handwriting. In places, the letter was wrinkled as though it were a person of ninety years, which suggested that Mr. Cummings had wept upon the envelope. Leavitt had a suspicion that something dreadful had occurred, but he chose to ignore this intuition, for he did not wish to accept the grim reality of the situation. And so, as a means to avoid reading the fateful tidings, he placed the letter upon his mantelpiece and made his way to work, and he told himself that Evelyn would return shortly.

Upon the operating table on the morning in question was a matron, her silvery locks flying about in every direction as though even they wished to escape the pain of the gangrenous leg which would today be the object of the surgery. "ALLOW ME TO BE RID OF THIS LEG!" she cried, for even the pain of the blade must surely be preferable to the gangrene which threatened to consume the entirety of her anatomy!

"Her uterus has flown to her head," Rupert, the employer, and friend, of Leavitt, informed the surgeon coldly.

"MY LEG IS DECAYING!" rejoined the matron.

Rupert paid no heed to the matron, and continued: "We must diagnose her with hysteria and have her sent away to St Bethlehem, for that is surely a more appropriate treatment." A frightful smirk diffused across his countenance as though it were miasma as he observed the fury of the matron.

"I am terribly sorry about Dr. Stephens," said Leavitt with an apologetic smile. He turned to face Rupert. "I believe I have already informed you of the lack of evidence for the uterus journeying throughout the female body."

"The evidence is in their behaviour."

"This is going to hurt once you awaken," Leavitt informed the matron, and he soaked a cloth in chloroform and placed it upon her nose. "Rupert, please have sense; I have noticed that men many a time behave just as irrationally."

"Nonsense," scoffed Rupert as he pinioned the matron's leg. "Have you not noticed that only women are diagnosed with hysteria?"

"That is because men are blind to their own behaviour."

"And you are blind to your own foolishness!"

Leavitt grabbed ahold of the saw and began to slice into the matron's leg, painting the table with gore and making a dreadful mess. If Satan had been present, he would have found the sight of the gore most delightful, and he would have implored Leavitt to employ his surgical skills in the depths of Hell without the anaesthesia.

"May I examine the leg later?" Leavitt enquired. "I find its gangrenous nature terribly fascinating!"

"You revolt me, but your curiosity shall cause my services to become by far the most superior in the land! People shall travel from across the entirety of Great Britain to seek my superior services and surgeons, and I shall move to a stately home! You may examine the leg, for I shall profit immensely!"

"Thank you ever so much," replied Leavitt with utmost delight. "I shall perform many experiments upon this leg, and I shall inform you of the results."

One prominent concern of Rupert's was that Leavitt would some day decide that he no longer wished to be a surgeon, and that he would pursue the profession of a doctor instead. As Leavitt had amassed a great deal of knowledge through experimentation, and because he would undoubtedly continue to run such experiments in the future, his services would be superior to his, and the mere thought of such an outcome caused his blood to run cold. Rupert must be the superior doctor! If Leavitt made an attempt to undermine him, he would certainly regret doing so!