Leavitt Stafford and the Awful, Terrible, Not Very Nice Plan.

Chapter the Twenty-Fifth: The Dreadful Surgeon

Although he had screamed until he had grown hoarse, Leavitt had remained trapped upon the shop sign for a total of ten minutes, for the public was either too preoccupied with its own duties or too disinterested in his distress to concern itself with assisting him. Of course, his screaming had procured not a negligible volume of peculiar glances, and had indeed aroused some suspicion as he had altercated with the beautiful tall woman, but those who had found the situation questionable had been too afraid to intervene, and so nothing had been done.

Due to the slightly later than usual arrival of Leavitt, Rupert had suffered from more cantankerous spirits than those he would usually suffer from. He thus heavily chastised Leavitt for his unpunctuality, delivering vociferous threats of a loss of employment. Naturally, once Zeus at last returned his attentiveness to his holy television, he had found the matter most amusing.

"I must apologise!" Leavitt cried, and he hastily procured an extenuation: "However, in my defence, I was halted by a policeman to enquire as to whether I had bore witness to a robbery..."

Rupert ceased his castigation, and instead commanded, "The chloroform."

Leavitt would have ordinarily breathed a sigh of relief, but he knew of the trickery he engaged in, and he knew of the risks it entailed. If he revealed any foibles in his disguise, he would lose his job, and he would likely be beaten within an inch of his life! Though he had learned of sins being prescribed by humans, he had at last captured the attention of God—no, the gods, and so he must continue. The stakes were high, and he may indeed be condemned to eternal misery, but he knew within his heart that he was doing what must be done, and that it was his duty to free humanity from the horrors of the gods!

"I have been stricken with the most brilliant idea to achieve my reputation as the best doctor in the entirety of Great Britain," Rupert announced as Leavitt seized the chloroform.

"Wonderful," Leavitt beamed, chasing the memory of his employer's lips against his own from his mind. "Tell me more."

"I have decided to try my hand at gathering audiences for my surgeries. Not only shall this gather additional wherewithal for me to further my career, but it shall also allow me to demonstrate my far superior services and allow word of them to spread throughout the land. Your surgical skills shall serve me very well, but only," Rupert warned, "if you do not continue such late arrivals."

"But Rupert!" Leavitt protested. "One must be provided with privacy when one has surgery conducted upon oneself! Surely you would not wish to experience the crowds' eyes as you were subjected to the most invasive surgeries imaginable?"

"Of course," Rupert said nonchalantly. "This is the precise reason why I shall provide a second, more expensive option for those who wish to have surgery conducted upon them whilst hidden away from the prying eyes of the crowds. Fear not for the profitability of such an endeavour, for the price shall most certainly ensure that I am still earning the financial gains which I deserve for my medical superiority!"

"I'm afraid I must object! It is most unfair that only those who possess great wealth are provided with privacy!"

"Haven't you the faintest idea how capitalism works, Leavitt?"

As the two men altercated, a young boy stared at them with enormous green eyes. Taking note of the distraction of the men, and taking note of the fact that his mother was too preoccupied with apprehensive twiddling to take notice, he picked his nose and placed the filthy mucus inside his mouth. This was certainly shameful behaviour, and the boy would be bullied mercilessly by his elders, should word arise of his inglorious habit.

Rupert wrinkled his nose. "Have you not taught your child that it is not proper decorum to pick one's nose?" It must be said that this was rather hypocritical of the vile man, for he himself possessed this unsightly habit. Of course, he would never admit to such dreadful things, for he could not bear the prospect of being seen as anything other than the greatest doctor in the entirety of Great Britain.