My whole body feels warmed. I got goosebumps and the cold floor which I am sitting in, reminds me that I have been sitting for so long that my ass is hurting. From my right eye, a lonely, warm, and slow tear slays down. My head is full of many thoughts and I cannot describe them. Even if I select one, I could not read it, like if it was a game code that only the programmer would know. Who would be that programmer then? I am sure that is not me. My heart hurts, my body needs food, but I have no intentions to fulfill this desire. I have been losing weight, but I don't care. I stopped caring for so many things, I lost passion for some activities that I used to do. Writing remains my dear one. A way to relieve my pain, the only thing that I am relying on to make me feel better and away of getting depression. I stopped doing exercises and yoga. Too much worried about adulthood that I am forgetting about my health. Adulthood is a curse, when we become adults, laughing became vaguely, too many things to solve and worry about. The more we do, the more comes. Life is far from being ok. I am here complaining about having anxiety and some disable people are enduring themselves to face the world. Am I too ingenue or selfish enough? I can't speak for them, I can only speak the truth about my feelings and people who are reading somehow will relate to themselves.
Some days I feel ok, wondering if I ever have anxiety. But in a matter of time I will be anxious and suddenly isolate myself in a dark room, sitting or sleeping on the floor, crying for no reason or even only regretting for things remain the same in my life.
Nobody knows what I am going through, they claim to understand me, suggesting to do this and that... But what about what I want to do? I am under too much pressure, dealing with the documents for applying for a master's degree and then going back home crying for being trying to conceal my university, correct my thesis, apply for a master's degree, find a job, and still not enough for guarantee my future. I lost 10 pounds, my jeans refuses to match my body. I have never been so sad in my whole life...and I have many reasons to be sad. Why does a talented girl like me find no good opportunity? I ask for no more than I deserve.
I am hoping for better days, a day when I will stop wanting to give up on life, stop wanting to cry every single day.
Destiny is all, all I am doing is making my own. Maybe I am destined for other things. What would they be? Is God aware of my struggles? Where is my super lucky star?
I wish things were like they used to be... I have been living a nightmare. Somebody, please wake me up... I have no strength to do that.
YOU ARE READING
Far from being ok
RandomFeelings that cannot be held, nor kept for me. Real feelings from someone who has anxiety and is trying to relieve the emotions through art. Words full of profound meaning to spread out and reach those who might be having hard times too and to tho...
