October 2 2020
Nessas pov
I shouldn't have did it.I shouldn't have put myself in any type of relationship with him.I don't think I have ever been in a worst mental state.
Not only with the shitty relationship I am in I'm getting hate for changing my style,I wanted my style to represent who I really am and not the person I act like for the internet.I dyed my hair black and I'll admit that my clothing style is now darker then is was before I do look more emo.
People are now saying I changed my style and turned "emo" to be forgiven.I know I made mistakes and I owned up to them can people give me a fucking break.I'm not acting emo either I just lost my smile because it was took away by the person I thought would make me my happiest.
The one person who used to help me with all of my shit going on at home,the one person I use to be able to tell anything to,the one person who used to make me feel safe, the person who I used as my escape,is now the person I'm scared of,now the person I can't open up to in fear of one of his "punishments",now the person I don't want to be around.He is the devil. I can't do anything about it because I love him to death and the fear he holds over me.He loves it though he knows he scares me and he uses that to his power.
That's what my new song "If you love me" is about because he says he loves me but you don't do the shit he has done to me to the people you love.I don't understand how he can sleep at night knowing all the fucked up shit he's doing to me and all the fucked up shit he might do to me the next. I don't know what the fuck to do,I have so many bruises to cover up daily and I just don't want to be with him anymore.I even spent my birthday in a mental institution and that was barely a week of talking to him.
But with all that I'm still here at his bedroom door dreading going in because I know I will get punished I'm 40 minutes late I got caught up in the studio with if you love me which is done.I hope people get the message that I need help.Pain was a cry for help but instead of anyone noticing they made jokes,they laughed about my pain when I was so fucking close to ending it all and I'm even closer now.
Well the punishment is gonna be worst if I don't go in now.As soon as I walked in I was again pinned to the door by my neck,already feeling the bruising I whimper out in pain. "Shut the fuck up" I just nod hoping this will be quick,he starts sucking my neck leaving hickeys all over "where were you" he yells spit flying onto my face"at the studio"I respond quickly.
"Liar you were probably cheating on me you little fucking slut" "no I swear Josh-" I get cut off with a very hard slap to my face "you know that's not my fucking name "sorry daddy,but daddy I swear I wasn't cheating,I love you to much for that.I was finishing up if you love me I'll show you"cringe I hate calling someone daddy it's just weird in my opinion but I also don't want to get beat so whatever.
"I don't want to hear you shitty ass music" ok that hurt he always said that I was a good singer,he so supportive online I wish he was like that in real life."You might think I'm being mean or hurtful but you made me like this your my pretty little poison."
Skip punishment but he basically forced her into things she didn't want to do,she passed out and he continued when she was out cold.
I woke up very sore with blood running down my legs.I looked in the mirror and the person looking back at me was not me,that's someone else.I got dressed,cleaned the blood and covered up the bruises and walked downstairs where I see Jaden sitting in front of the transformer with his computer facing him.
I went to the roof with my notebook and vape.I finished if you love me today and I'm just waiting for them to send it to me so I can hear the final product then we just need to film a music video and then the song is completely done.It could be put in less then a week depending on how long it takes for us to film the music video.
Anyway I'm on the roof crying my eyes out feeling discussed in my own body.I take a pull of my vape wipe my eyes and remember something Josh said to me earlier "your my pretty little poison" pretty poison that got me thinking the internet is pretty poison,if your younger you look at someone like me with a following on an app and want to have that.But it sucks yea it presents good opportunities but have people judging you every move and not being able to say anything because "your famous you should expect it."
My relationship with Josh is pretty poison,on the internet it looks so happy and pretty.People think he is a good person,that he should ask me out and that I'm happy but behind the screen it's poison,like deadly poison because I really wanna die.
So I wrote down pretty poison in my notebook.
I just stared writing again,but it's a good thing because writing my feelings has already made me so much happier even in these dark times and they turn into great songs.
I could tell you the real story but I know they wouldn't listen
Lookin' at you lick your lips
Everybody wants a taste But the truth is hard to chase
Swear I'm lookin' in the mirror but I'm seeing someone different
Ok it's time for me to go shower I walk in to the house and straight to Josh "hey baby I'm gonna go home to shower and come back tomorrow is that ok"I ask hoping he won't get mad "yea of course I love you" you definitely have weird ass of showing it "I love you to"I responded kissing him.
I went home showered and did my skincare routine, opened my unclosed cuts.Looking at them gave me a flashback of when me and Josh were dating happily
*Flashback to may 25th 2020*
As he pulled off my shirt kissing down my stomach he grabbed my hands to hold so gently.He looked at my wrist he face immediately softening he kissed up and down each cut over and over again. "I love you and I can't wait to be the one to help you with your cutting,also I know you very self conscious about you body but you are absolutely beautiful" I don't know how to respond to I just pull him up into a loving passionate kiss
*End of flashback*
He thought he was kissing on my scars but his the one ripping them open now not even a year later wait that's a good lyric.I open up my notebook to the page labeled pretty poison
You think your kissing on my scars but you rip em wide open
Yea maybe it's a little harsh and petty but i guess I'm petty as fuck
YOU ARE READING
Time to let go-a naden story
RomanceNessa Barrett thought she and Josh Richards would work out but what happens when she finally realizes that she deserves better But better was found in his best friend and her best frienemies on again off again boy friend Will she choose her happines...
