Jennie
"Oh my God...you slept with her!"
I choke on my salad. It takes me a minute to recover. "What? No I didn't," I eventually sputter.
Jisoo tsks into the phone. "Don't lie to me. I can always tell this kind of shit."
"Jisoo, I swear on a thousand Virgin Marys, I did not have sex last night." Not technically.
"Then why do you have a post-coital voice thing going on?"
"A what?" I'm confused... and slightly mortified ...and extremely amazed. Christ, Jisoo is like Yoda or something with this freakish new knowledge.
"You sound like you had sex," she elaborates.
"How can someone sound like they've had sex?"
"Look, I can just sense these things - it's not something you can teach. So, did you or didn't you?" Her question is accusing.
"Jisoo! No!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Jisoo. I think I'd remember something like that," I answer, exasperated.
"You swear?"
"Jisoo!"
"All right, all right. I'll take your word for it, I guess," she says begrudgingly. "Though you sure sound awfully fishy. So what did you kids do last night?"
"We just hung out. I made dinner," I hedge.
"Uh huh. Did you destroy her kitchen like we planned?"
"Umm... yeah."
"Before or after you had sex?"
"Goddamn it, Jisoo!"
"Relax, relax. It was just a joke." No it wasn't, I can tell. Damn her. "So then what happened?" She's fishing for information. My salad, nearly untouched, is perched on one end of my desk so as to be out of the way. We were slow yesterday, yet the work still managed to pile up after I dipped out two hours early. As a result, I'm eating lunch at my desk, playing catch-up. Jisoo called me four times in a row before I finally gave in and answered.
"We got into a water fight."
She's confused. "A water fight?"
"Yeah - with the sink hose."
"How the fuck did that happen?"
"I popped her ass with a towel."
She laughs hysterically in the background. I turn to my papers with a small smile, yet it's no use - I've never been a good multi-tasker.
"Well shit, Jennie. You always manage to turn it up a notch, huh? But what did she do when she saw the kitchen? You did destroy it, right?"
I feel so evil discussing these things with Jisoo, yet it's so much fun that I hardly care.
"She was actually fucking calm about it," I say, aghast. I'm using my inside voice, careful to keep my conversation hidden from my co-workers. "I mean, I could tell it bothered her, but she never got angry or anything." I conveniently omit how I found this both relieving and frustrating.
"Really? Well it was all an act, I'm sure," she says matter-of-fact.
"I guess."
"The whole point of this is to piss her off a bit and make her regret what she's doing," she reminds me. "So, if she looked like it bothered her then it was a success. Did you leave and make her clean it all herself?" she asks eagerly. I hesitate, almost afraid to reveal the answer.
