Jennie
My dream shifts.
First I'm dreaming that Kai is with me again, demanding answers and making more accusations. He comes to Jisoo's apartment to find me and his nose is still bleeding, dripping blood all over her light beige carpet, and she's screaming and threatening to call the cops while he corners me against the wall. He demands to know why I would sleep with Lisa and not him. Did he not open doors for me while we dated? Did he not buy me dinner countless times?
Then Lisa comes and confronts Kai, but their encounter is short-lived. Kai disappears into a wisp of smoke, fading into the hazy atmosphere that surrounds me.
Lisa is suddenly at my side, and she's apologizing again and again, offering explanations, but none of it makes much sense. She keeps talking about Louis.
"I told Hae-in not to take Louis from you," Lisa says angrily. "He was your life-line in all of this. He would have protected you from Kai."
I wonder how this could be, my brow furrowed deep with confusion.
"But no, he took her away," Lisa goes on. "And all of this could have been prevented."
I'm baffled by Lisa's reasoning, but decide against arguing with her when she's angry.
"I'm sorry, Jennie. I'm so sorry. I should have done something. I should have stopped Kai."
Her presence is so real; I can feel the fabric of her clothes against my fingers, her scent in my nose, her voice in my ear. All of my senses are being stimulated by her, by her mere essence, and that makes it the most realistic dream I've ever had.
I feel myself moving back to consciousness, and I desperately fight this. I've missed having Lisa around, so much so that I'll take her in my dreams if it's all I can get.
But my eyes open and I blink. It's dark - I can't see a thing around me as my eyes adjust - but I can still hear her voice; I can still smell her distinct scent of laundry detergent and cologne. And I think I must be hallucinating.
"Lisa?" I whisper. I feel someone shift beside me - someone who I've taken liberties to snuggle against - and my heart instantly begins to race.
"Hmm?" comes the reply, and I lean back to look at her face. Her head turns so that she can see me, her eyes widening dramatically as they meet my own.
"What are you doing here, Lisa?" I ask. My voice is a bit empty, lacking all of the emotions I actually feel. They are overridden by one predominant feeling.
Disbelief.
Am I still dreaming?
I can feel Lisa's body tense against mine - I can hear her breath catch in her throat - and I know these things are much too vivid to be a dream. But what is she doing here? And how in holy hell did she ever get past Jisoo? Is she still alive?
"Are you awake?" she asks cautiously.
I suddenly feel as though I've been violated by a Peeping Tom or something. What in God's name made her think it was okay to come snuggle with me while I'm asleep? Is she not able to take a hint? She slowly moves away from me, probably ashamed at herself and our current situation, and I shamefully despair over our sudden loss of contact. What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't allow her to see this, however. I scoot farther away from her instead, desperately reeling in every ounce of anger I can find. But I'm still groggy from the pain medication despite the painful throb in my wrist; I can only adequately register the shock and relief and confusion from having her here with me again.
Shouldn't I be pissed that she's here? Livid, even? I worked so hard to keep her away. Now none of this is making sense.
"Yes, I'm awake," I reply. My voice is thick with sleep, and I hasten to clear it.
"Um... did you hear everything I said?" she asks slowly. She sounds nervous and unsure of her question and I frown, wondering if she really did go off on a tantrum about the cat.
"You mean about Louis?"
"What?" Now she's confused. "No, I didn't say anything about Louis."
"Oh." I guess my subconscious mind just inserted that part in there. I really do miss that beast.
"Can we talk, Jennie?" she asks desperately. "I just want you to know everything. And after we're done, I'll leave. I promise."
God, she's persistent. I'm still not even sure how she got in here. Will this be a reflection of the rest of my life if I refuse to hear her out now? A constant barrage of flowers and notes and unexpected visits?
I want more time to think. I still don't think my thoughts are where they need to be. My feelings for her are too strong. Can I really look at things objectively and make wise decisions regarding us when this desperation inside of me - this uncontrollable yearning - is begging to hear her out and let her to stay, to make things better between us no matter the costs?
"I talked to Kai," she says, interrupting my thoughts. I tense at just the mention of the name. "Did you really say those things to him, Jennie?"
I hesitate, wondering if I should deny everything, but that's all our relationship has ever been. Just lies and denial.
"Yes," I admit quietly.
"Why did you do that, Jennie? He could have done something to you..."
She stares at my ugly maroon cast which feels as though it's going to shred open with each painful throb of my hand. I want more pain medicine, but I won't dare take any now. Not if we're really going to talk.
"I want to know what happened." her statement is a weak demand at best. She knows I don't have to tell her shit.
"I told Kai you won the bet," I finally say.
"Why?"
"I don't know," I say truthfully. "I was just caught off guard and I... I hate him, okay?" I want to say that I hate Lisa too, that I hate them both for making the bet, but my lips can't even begin to form the words. "I didn't want him to win whatever sick little thing you guys bet for. I don't know why I did it, I just... did."
Lisa sighs loudly and rubs her eyes with her fingers. I wish I could see her better in the dim light. "I'm sorry, Jennie," she begins sadly. "It was probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. Will you please just let me explain?"
I give her a small, dismal smile. "It's fine, Lisa. I did a shitty thing, too. I'm over it now. We can just forget it all happened and move on," I lie.
Her eyes widen. "I don't want to just forget about it," she says. "I want to explain everything. I want to try to make things right."
"Why?" I wonder, my voice callous and perhaps a tad bit too loud. "You won, Lisa. It's over. You got what you wanted."
"It's not what I wanted, Jennie," she says, and then she groans. "I didn't want to lose, I'll admit it. But if you'll let me explain then maybe you'll see why."
"Why are you trying so hard, Lisa? I handcuffed you to your headboard and left you there for crying out loud," I say, exasperated.
"I deserved that," she says quickly.
"No one deserves that," I object. It was a stupid thing to do on so many different levels. And how immature I had been!
"We can talk about that later if you want," she says, clearly missing my point. "Just let me explain for five minutes."
I sigh, turning my head to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It reads eight twenty-six. "All right. Five minutes."
