Jennie
Fortunately, Jisoo allows us to change the subject. She tells me about Hae-in and how her father is badgering her to come visit. She bitches for fifteen minutes straight about her formerly favourite restaurant overcooking her burger twice in a row. Then she explains, in great detail, why we shouldn't eat hamburgers anymore anyway.
Things feel more like normal.
We no longer discuss Lisa or Hanbin and for that I'm grateful. I don't feel as though I can have a logical conversation regarding either of them at the moment.
Now that I'm alone, trapped with my thoughts, I feel more forlorn. I enter my apartment, change clothes, and commit the ultimate injustice as I pop in the fourth season of Lost.
Fuck it.
I try to watch, but my mind frequently wanders. I think of Hanbin and Lisa.
Hanbin is such a nice guy. He always treated me with respect, anticipated my needs. He got along with my friends.
And then there's Lisa, the one person I can't even figure out why I like. She's attentive, I reason - she did stop by last night when she knew I was upset, after all. And she's respectful - no wait, scratch that one. The bet isn't respectful at all. Damn.
Why do I like Lisa? It's frustrating - I know I shouldn't, but that seems to be a moot point. I flop onto the couch, bury my face into the fabric, and groan out my displeasure. Perhaps Jisoo is right. It's only been a week, and I'm already in too deep.
I lie this way - face down on the couch - until I doze. My phone eventually rings and I'm not sure if it's been minutes or hours since I've been home. Suspecting it's Hanbin, I begrudgingly peel myself from the couch and grope for where it's vibrating noisily on the coffee table.
I'm surprised to see Lisa's name. My insides do a happy twist.
"Hey beautiful," she greets me. "Did I call at a bad time?"
I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open, but I happily lie on the couch with the phone to my ear. Her words are the first soothing things I've heard in this whole long, exhausting day.
"No, I was just watching TV," I inform her, too tired to make myself sound less pathetic. Geez, when am I not watching TV these days?
"That's good. I was just - I was just thinking about you and wanted to tell you good night." Her words sound awkward, as if she's having trouble articulating what she wants to say.
"Are you at home?" I wonder. I assume she must be.
"Yes."
"Alone?" I don't know why I ask - the word just jumps out of my mouth before I can stop it.
"Yes," she repeats, her tone a bit more guarded this time. I can't help the smile that forms at her admission. I'm just pleased to know she's not off caterwauling at some skank's house while I'm away.
"Good."
She sighs loudly, and I suddenly yearn for her presence. I want her here, in person, cuddling with me on the couch. I want her hot breath on my back, not on the receiver of the phone.
"I had kind of a shitty day today," she admits. I frown.
"You want to tell me about it?"
"It's just work. It just kind of stresses me out sometimes." her words linger, as if there's more she wants to say. Finally, she chuckles. "I don't mean to call and whine to you. You just - I don't know, I guess you make me feel better. And I was thinking about you."
I'm surprised over her fumbled words. "I had a stressful day, too," I tell her.
"You did? How come?"
I think about it, quickly realizing I can't reveal the source of my stress to her. "You know... work and stuff," I say coyly.
"Yeah," she agrees, and the word seems to linger, fade, and vanish between us. The pull to have her near increases tenfold.
"I kind of miss you," I quietly admit, as if the words are surprising to my own ears. In a way, they are, yet I've known all day that I miss her.
"I think I kind of miss you, too," she says lightly, and I can hear the humour in her words. I'm grinning like an idiot, my face pressed against the couch again, and I can't fathom the reasoning behind my giddy behaviour.
"Any surprise visits tonight?" I wonder, already knowing not to get my hopes up.
"Unfortunately, no. I got off work late and have an early day tomorrow."
"So a surprise visit tomorrow?"
"Hmm." she pretends to think about it. "Play your cards right, and I may grace you with my presence."
"Ha! What should I do? Compliment your big head some more?"
"Are you implying that you've complimented it already?"
"Depends - I've gone on and on about how big it is. Do you consider that a compliment?"
"Is it good to have a big head?"
"No."
"Then why would that be a compliment?"
I chuckle. "I don't know. I'm sleepy. And your head is so big sometimes it obstructs my internal vision so that I can't think of anything else to say."
She laughs. "Have you created a new line of jokes? Big head jokes?"
I giggle. I giggle so uncontrollably that I wonder if I've gone insane. Surely Lisa must think the same. "Hey, they're interchangeable," I offer. "Your head is so big it has its own area code. Or your head is so big that when you ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton."
"Yeah, yeah," Lisa chuckles. "You made your point - you're a standard comedian."
"Nothing standard about me," I quip.
"Don't I know it."
"What are you saying, Manoban? You don't think I'm standard?"
"Jennie, you are far, far beyond the standard in anything you do," she assures. "But that's not a bad thing."
I'm pleased at her statement. Pleased and sleepy and absolutely revelling in the fact that I may see her soon. I suppose I need to mess with her some more, even though these schemes are not sounding nearly as fun as they did in the beginning. But I need to do it. Jisoo is right. Torture her or let her go.
"Hmm. Well, that's why I'm so awesome," I reply drowsily. She responds, but suddenly her voice sounds far away, like someone speaking to me through a closed car window. I can hear the low, soft melody of her voice; I just can't understand what she's trying to say.
I know I need to end our call before I succumb to sleep, but I can't. Her words soothe me even when they're teasing, and I discover that this is the most relaxed I've felt all day.
"Go to sleep, beautiful." her soothing words are fading away. There's now blackness all around, her voice in the background unnaturally soft as I drift into a peaceful slumber. "I'll see you tomorrow."
