Jennie
I search everywhere for her phone - the kitchen, the living room, in her jacket pocket inside the closet. I eventually find it atop the entertainment stand, the black case blending in with the dark finish of the wood.
I can hear Lisa yelling for me, her voice desperate, and I have to battle away my tears.
What are you doing, Jennie? You're stooping to her level!
But she deserves this! She needs to learn that us women don't fuck around! She can't just play us! But what if Kai does something to Lisa?
Fuck that, they're obviously friends. He'll give Lisa a hard time. That's all. Then they'll probably scout out the next woman to victimize...
This is wrong. Something's not right. You've hung out with Lisa for two weeks. You know her.
Our entire relationship is a lie. She hasn't been honest with me.
But have you been honest with her?
I scowl, forcing aside my internal reflections, and head up the stairs again. I wipe my face, determined to stay strong. I'm ready to wipe my hands of this for good. Maybe then, I can move on. I can learn. I can grow. And I can start over.
Lisa doesn't bother hiding her sigh of relief when I re-enter the room.
"Oh, thank God," she breathes, clearly glad to see me. She probably thought I was gone for good. I stand in front of her with my arms crossed. I'm too upset to enjoy the sight of her spread before me, nearly naked, but I work hard to keep my features calm.
"You really hurt me, Lisa," I say, because she needs to know this. I desperately want her to understand just an inkling of how I feel right now.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Jennie," she says, her voice pleading. "Please just talk to me. Don't leave like this..."
"Give me one good reason why I should give a fuck about what you have to say," I demand angrily. The text message flashes to my mind. "You know, I actually thought you... God, I actually thought you cared." My voice cracks, and I hate myself for it. I forcefully wipe away a few stray tears and pull myself together. "What a joke, right?" I say humourlessly. "I guess the bet's on me. Literally."
"I do care," Lisa protests. "I care about you so much it scares the shit out of me, Jennie."
But of course she would say this. Anything to please me, to get herself out of those handcuffs.
The text message flashes through my mind again, as if its image is on repeat, and it gives me the strength to go on. I pull the key to the handcuffs out of my pocket. Lisa's eyes widen hopefully when she sees it.
"I lied, Lisa," I say icily. "I do have the key. It'll be right here." I lay it on her dresser, ignoring the way her face falls as the light metal hits the wood.
"I'm not going to leave you here," I snap at her. "I'm sure you have a buddy who will help you out. Let's see..." I scroll through his contacts and find Kai's number. "Here we are."
I show Lisa the name on the screen and then lay the phone on her heaving chest. I've already put it on speaker phone; all that's left is hitting 'send', which will dial.
"Jennie, please don't do this," she tries again, and I know, despite how strong I try to be, that I'm insanely close to breaking down and ripping those handcuffs off of her. But what would that prove? What would that teach her?
After this incident, I can say with some certainty that she's not likely start a little game like this again. Next time, she'll remember me. And she'll know better.
I force away my doubt, but I know it won't be gone for long. I only have seconds, at the most, and I need to make them count. And then I need to get the hell out of here as fast as I can.
"I'm sorry, Lisa," I say, because I am. I'm sorry it ever came to this; I'm sorry we had to meet this way, and I'm sorry she has such a misconstrued conception of relationships.
I'm sorry I care so much more than she does.
"Jennie..." she starts, but I quickly hit the send button on her phone. I glance down, just to make sure it's calling Kai, and it is. I hear the first ring through the phone's speaker.
Lisa's eyes meet mine one last time. They're imploring. They're desperate.
"Please don't do this," she says one last time. "Please stay and talk to me."
But I don't listen. It's too late for talking.
"I'm sorry," I repeat quietly. I can barely hear my own voice over the pounding of my heart.
I turn for the door and hear Kai answer the phone just as I'm leaving the room.
"What's up, man?" He sounds ecstatic to hear from Lisa. "Bed the ice-queen yet? Taken the old skin boat to tuna town?"
I can feel my face reddening as my temper flares. I get the sudden urge to turn back and shank Lisa as originally planned, or else give them both a piece of my mind, but I simply don't have the energy. And anything said to Kai should be said in person, where I'm capable of invoking bodily harm as well.
I feel lots of things as I head down the stairs: sadness, humiliation, remorse. But mostly anger over what Kai just said, the words which further confirm my entire argument.
I make sure all her appliances are turned off in the kitchen. I make sure her bedroom light is still on, and I can see it from the road, so that later tonight I'll be able to confirm whether she made it out of the handcuffs or not.
I slide into my car and crank the engine. Paula Abdul's voice instantly pours from my speakers, and it's so fitting - so ironic - that I can't help but smile a little triumphantly.
He's a cold-hearted snake
Look into his eyes
Oh ooh
He's been tellin' lies
He's a lover boy at play
He don't play by the rules
Oh oh oh
Girl don't play the fool
I don't look back as I drive away. I don't regret what I've done, and I don't dwell on whether it was the right thing to do.
I haven't stuck up for myself in years, and it was a change long past due. This time, the girl's not playing the fool.
