Jennie
Hanbin is already waiting for me when I arrive at the restaurant. He's wearing a pale yellow, tight-fitting shirt with a pair of snug khakis. His icy blue eyes, made more striking by his dark hair and tan skin, regard me warmly as they capture my gaze from twenty feet away.
Hanbin was always handsome, able to charm the wits out of any lucky girl. For some reason, he had chosen to charm me. For some reason, he had also chosen to leave.
I was hurt when he'd left. It was wrong to deny it - and stupid, as I'd nearly put myself into a sugar-induced coma after wiping out the ice-cream section at the local grocery store. Friends of friends of friends knew I was hurt. But I persevered. In fact, I haven't thought of him in over a year.
But now here he is, trying to... what? Make amends? Pick up where we left off?
I'm confused.
His smile widens as he stands and pulls out my chair. Once we're seated he shifts forward, leaning towards me, and regards me with a wistful and bemused expression.
"Hey," he says. "Glad you could make it. Hope you don't mind, I ordered you a Dr. Pepper."
I don't have the heart to tell him I'm only drinking water now. Well, water and wine.
"Thank you." He hands me a menu, which I immediately begin to scan.
"So, Jennie," he casually begins. "What have you been up to? It's been a while."
"Well I graduated, finally. I'm working at The Korea Herald now."
He looks pleasantly surprised. "The Korea Herald? That's great! So is being a journalist everything you always thought it would be?"
I blanch at his statement. From his mortified expression, I assume he took notice and instantly realized the error of his words.
"I'm actually, um... I'm doing editing instead."
"Oh." He seems to be lost for words. He awkwardly scratches the side of his neck. "I thought you wanted to be a journalist, though," he states.
"I did. They weren't really looking for a journalist at the time, and I sort of had an opportunity to get into editing. But I like it. It's a learning experience." I have no idea why I'm explaining my job preference to him. Why does everyone have such an issue with me being an editor? It's a good job, damn it! Not everyone gets their job of choice immediately out of school.
"Well that's great," he says. "As long as you like it."
"I do," I say haughtily.
The server interrupts our awkward conversation to take our order. Luckily, when she leaves, it begins again on a much lighter note.
"So, I think I found I place I like downtown," he says. "Nice neighbourhood, lots of trees, real close to the park. I think you'd like it."
I can't help but wonder why it matters what I like. We're no longer together.
"That's great," I say with a smile.
"You think you might want to come see it later?" he asks hopefully. My whole body instantly freezes as I scramble for an excuse.
"I'm uh... I'm actually hanging out with Jisoo today."
"Jisoo? You're still friends with her?"
"Yeah, of course."
He nods thoughtfully. "How is she?"
"Good. She just started seeing someone new. They really seem to be hitting it off." At his doubtful expression I add, "He seems like a keeper to me."
"Good for her. Do you like him?"
"So far." It just now occurs to me that, through Hae-in, it's possible I'll see Lisa later on down the road. God, that would be awkward.
At the thought of Lisa, I get an unpleasant surge of guilt for dining with Hanbin. But why should I feel guilty? I'm not doing anything wrong. And she was going to meet with Irene to do... things. That's much worse.
I frown and take a large sip of my drink.
"You okay?" Hanbin asks.
I clear my throat. "I'm fine."
He seems placated by my answer. At least, he doesn't press the issue. "So what about you?"
I look at him questioningly. "What about me?"
"Are you seeing anyone?"
Damn, I hadn't bargained for this question. Technically, I'm single. Lisa and I haven't professed any type of commitment to each other. Not that we can, what with the bet and all.
Hanbin stares at me, waiting patiently for my answer.
"Um, not really," I say uncertainly. "I've gone on a few dates with someone but it hasn't really been more than that." I wish, deep down inside my bones, that I could answer in the affirmative. That things were different, and Lisa and I could be more.
Is there something wrong with me?
Hanbin looks pleased. "Me neither," he says happily. He's still leaning towards me, giving me his undivided attention, and I can't help but feel uncomfortable under his relentless scrutiny.
Our server delivers our food. I've never been so thankful for the distraction, especially when Hanbin is forced to lean back and look away as she places his plate in front of him.
I dig into my food like it's my last meal, paying it much more attention than necessary in order to avoid Hanbin's icy blue gaze.
After a few moments of silence Hanbin begins again. "So I know you're kind of dating someone... but do you think you would want to, you know, maybe go out for dinner some night this week?" He looks at me cautiously and quickly adds, "I mean, I know it's been a while and it sucked when I left. Believe me, Jennie, I hurt just as badly as you did."
I want to snort at his declaration. He left me! If he hurt, it was his own fault!
I'm torn between saying something mean and snarky and simply relenting and accepting his date. He was always such a good guy - so attentive, kind and caring. Not to mention he's extremely easy on the eyes. If anyone deserves a second chance, it's him.
But something holds me back. "Hanbin, I'd really like to just take it slow for now," I say kindly. "Maybe just be friends at first."
He nods quickly, as though grateful for any semblance of acceptance. "I understand," he assures. "That's probably a better idea." A moment passes. I'm surprised when he lays his hand on top of mine across the table. "Just so you know, Jennie, I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. So if you need anything from me, I'm just a phone call away."
I'm touched by his declaration. God damn panty-charmers - where are all these people coming from?
"Thank you," I mumble, and he pulls his hand from mine.
