Lisa
I head back to my home in Busan when I'm done. I'm disconcerted by the fact that I'm running out of thoughtful gift ideas, but I try not to dwell on it at the moment. I just need to clear my head for a bit. I need to decompress after the emotional toll that this entire week has offered.
The next day, after work, I head over to my home in Seoul, debating the entire while on whether to just show up at her apartment and demand that she acknowledge my efforts. It seems desperate and needy and something that will likely push her further away, yet Rosé insisted that girls are more apt to that kind of persistence.
"That kind of attention is romantic," she'd said to me.
I juggle through my reasoning with my keys in my hand, on the verge of leaving at any second. But the thought alone makes me nervous. I'm still just not sure.
Perhaps I should stop over thinking things.
My phone beeps as I'm heading out the door, and I pause on the porch to check my message.
Jennie: Thank you for the gifts. They were...unique.
My insides clench. This is what I'd been hoping for all week, and now I'm terrified that it's all I'll get.
Lisa: You're welcome, Jennie. I hope you didn't find any of them offensive. I just wanted to make you smile.
I feel ridiculous as soon as I send the message. I've finally received an excuse to talk to her and this isn't what I wanted to say.
Jennie: Well, mission accomplished. Thank you.
And I smile, taking much relief in knowing that I made her smile.
Lisa: How are you?
I'm feeling brave; I'm not ready for our conversation to end. Without thinking more about it, I jump into my car and speed out of the driveway, breathing a heavy sigh of relief when Jennie answers my text without blowing me off.
We begin texting back and forth. I reply at red lights and stop signs and even type one awkward response while still driving. I know it's dangerous - and not something I usually do - but I'm unable to stay away either in person or through words.
As I near her apartment, our conversation becomes more intimate. I pray that she's home.
Lisa: I'm sorry you went to the wedding alone. I really wanted to take you.
Jennie: It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care about going alone.
Lisa: You should never have to be alone. You deserve someone who will worship you day and night. Someone who will never lie to you and who will treat you like the special person you are.
Jennie: That's sweet of you, Lisa. But things aren't that simple.
Lisa: Why not?
Jennie: Because there has to be a special person out there who loves me that much.
Her assessment is nearly laughable. There's no one out there who thinks she's special? No one who loves her? I want to be this person for her so badly that it's terrifying, but I move forward, unable to stop this force that's leading me to her home. To her. She has woken feelings inside that I haven't felt for ages. Just the thought of her leaves me feeling reborn, like a completely different person altogether.
From this moment forward, no one will ever work harder to deserve her than I will.
It seems like only seconds have passed before I'm standing in front of her door. My palms are sweaty, my breaths shallow. I know that she's home because I saw her car outside, but it does nothing to quell the growing panic I'm beginning to feel.
I take a few deep breaths in an effort to calm myself. When I think I'm as composed as I'm ever going to be, I knock on her door.
Only a few seconds pass before I hear hurried footsteps from within. For one short moment, I fear that she'll see me through the peephole and demand that I leave.
But the fear is short-lived when the door is quickly swung open. Jennie stands there, wide-eyed, and slowly bites her lip as she assesses me. She looks more surprised than angry, which gives me an inkling of hope.
We look at each other for a moment. I know I need to speak, but I'm admittedly scared shitless. Finally, I slide my phone into my pocket and begin.
"There is someone like that, Jennie,"I finally say. She swallows, her eyes never leaving mine. "Can we talk?"
