When I Don't Remember You (Percico)

Chapter Five: Your Eyes Are Tired

Percy Jackson

(tw: depression? depression.)

The fact that Rachel let me go home after three days felt like a miracle and also a terrible choice.

I cut a lot that first night home alone and even more on the second night.

Did I use water to heal myself?

No. It felt cheap, so I didn't.

It was my fourth day home alone and the half way point of mom and Paul's honeymoon when I was laying in bed at like 2pm as you do when you're trying to convince yourself that maybe you shouldn't kill yourself tonight when there was a knock on my window that scared the absolute piss out of me.

I haven't showered since I was at Rachel's and I've been in the clothes I'm in now for like three days.

There was no way for me to look presentable, much less good in 30 seconds.

Honestly, though, I didn't have it in me to give a shit so I looked at who the fuck knocks on a window to then fell like a dumbass because who else would knock on my bedroom window?

Nico.

So I took a breath and got up and walked over and opened my window.

"Hey." It was all I had in me.

"Hey," Nico returned, definitely not doing a good job at disguising how disgusted or worried or how much emotion he felt right now, I don't think I could name it. "you're not busy, are you? Sorry, I tried to IM but it wasn't going through for some reason, I wasn't sure if you've started school or not so..."

"Hm? Oh, no, just..." I shrugged. "Laying in bed."

I don't want to be here right now.

"Oh, okay, cool," and of course it's fucking awkward because why would I be laying in bed this late in the day, right? How is he supposed to respond to that? "Would I be able to join you? Not in bed, obviously, but like... In the apartment?"

He's going to think I'm disgusting.

"In...oh, yeah, sorry," I apologized, moving out of the way in order to let the son of Hades in. "i haven't really... Gotten around to cleaning lately so... Yeah. Sorry."

I should've killed myself two hours ago like I wanted to.

"It's alright, I get it," Nico insisited, just trying to be nice I'm sure. "It hasn't been that long since everything happened, adjusting is hard and cleaning is boring, too."

Nodding my head, I just agreed.

"Have you been busy since you've gotten home?" Nico asked as he sat down in the only clean spot in my room: my chair.

And I shrugged.

"Not really," I figured. "Just like, here and I went to Rachel's for a couple days and then I came home and then now you're here so... Not really, no."

He's going to think I'm stupid.

"Well hey at least you can relax a bit then, right?" Nico asked and I just kind of nodded because it's getting overwhelming again and I feel bad doing this in front of others but it's been off and on all day and that doesn't just go away because he showed up even though I wish it did and...

"Percy?" The son of question started off and I could hear the concern in his voice and it felt backwards because I should be the one worrying about him but now he's concerned about me and that's weird. "Hey, Percy, what's going on up there? What's your braincell doing?"