When I Don't Remember You (Percico)

Chapter Forty Three: Still Here

Leo Valdez

We gave them like 15 minutes before I decided to go and investigate, definitely for reasons other than what the others were probably thinking was going on.

The others, as far as I could tell, assumed that Nico followed Percy to their room and that they were doing gross couple stuff.

I, on the other hand, was worried that he went off and had a panic attack or something because I'm not sure if it was asking about the gods or what (personally, I could care less what he thinks about them, he's been around long enough to have his own opinion on them and have it be justifiable), but something seemed to trigger his anxiety or something like that and it worried me a little.

Grover saying he was going to go make some cookies wasn't very reassuring, either. That feels like it was bad.

Walking down, I saw that Nico and Percy's door was cracked open just enough for me to see the two of them in bed. Percy was essentially using Nico as his pillow, which was cute for all of two seconds.

And then I saw the fresh bandages, and my brain finally connected the pieces from earlier.

When Nico and Grover called him out for joking, I didn't realize what the joke was, and I'm not sure if the others did, either, but those bandages made it like, pretty clear. To me, at least.

Percy's suicidal.

Or, at least, severely depressed. He's self-harming, which is... Scary, to say the least.

I know Grover said he had a rough year but like... How rough was it? Was this rough was this worse then it got before?

I'd like him to live long enough to meet Percy's mom at an event that wasn't his own funeral.

"Leo," I heard Nico whisper, which meant he noticed me. "Is that you?"

Nodding my head, I opened the door a little bit more.

"Yeah, what's up?" I responded, motioning to Percy. "is he...? Okay? Asleep?"

"Hm? Oh, Percy's out cold," Nico reassured me. "he had... A moment. I'm not sure if it was a panic attack or a breakdown or maybe it was both, but he had it. Nothing specific as far as I could get out of him, just... Yeah. Sorry, im trapped, but can you fill my water? I would but... You know."

"Oh, yeah, I can do that," I figured, grabbing the empty water bottle that I assumed was his since the other one was half full and blue. "Do you think he'll be okay? I've noticed his anxiety has been bad since you've been back but like... Duh, I guess? It was Tartarus."

Nico gave me a doubtful look.

"I think that when he goes home he's never going to want to go back to camp or see another god ever again," Nico told me. "he's had a really hard time with this quest and it'll get better when he gets home, which should only be like a week from now, but... That's still a week and while the gods won't just let him die and he knows that, it doesn't change the fact that he is going back and forth between being suicidal and not being suicidal and that he isn't in therapy and he's been off his meds and Tartarus happened and just... He will be better, but probably not before we go home."

Percy's suicidal?

So it's a lot worse than I thought it was, cool. Good to know.

I'm literally never going to risk making him anxious ever again.

"Oh, shit," I responded, trying to think of how much I noticed it in the past and just wrote it off as battle or quest humor, because I've noticed it here and there, but not frequently enough to be all that concerned.