When I Don't Remember You (Percico)

Chapter Thirteen: The Path to Paradise

Percy Jackson

Rachel skipped Friday to come visit me, Nico was there almost the entire time, and Thalia and Grover also visited.

Basically, it was a party that made me really tired because I didn't sleep much the first night here and it was everyone at the same time, plus nurses and doctors and psychiatrists and psychologist's and my parents and so many people all the time.

Now I was happy that it was after dinner, my stomach was full, and Nico ate food, and we were cuddling on the not super comfy hospital bed that was not made to fit two people.

"Hey," the person I'm dating whispered after a while of laying in a comfortable silence. "Are you feeling okay? I know you're like, destressing now after everyone that visited but... Are you sure you're okay that I'm here?"

"Nico, I promise that I want you to be here," I tried to reassure him. "And I'm better, less overwhelmed. It's not like I had a meltdown and threatened to kill myself to be here, I just... Admitted to the fact that I cut to my counselor because I felt like she'd knew if I lied anyways and yet. I mean, I had a panic attack but... Those happen."

"They do?"

I nodded.

"Not that often, but yeah," I confirmed a less reassuring thing. "Usually I'm good at making sure they don't happen but there's been a lot happening so it kind of slipped through the cracks this time."

As if we had to explicitly ban beer and anything related to hops from the wedding because I've had an attack almost every time I've smelled it for longer than a few seconds since Gabe was out of our lives.

That's something I've yet to really open up to my parents about. Mom kind of knew, she knew Gabe and i hated each other and I found out last the very end that he had hit her before.

He hit me, too. To nobody's surprise, he hated me more than her. But that wasn't the only thing he did to me.

And I've sat with both of those things for a good portion of my life now. Years.

But I've never told anyone about it and I don't know how to at this point in time. Eventually I'll have to tell Nico because it would be unfair if I didn't. Not super soon, I don't think. We're not even officially boyfriends, so I have time, but...

I feel like I'm past it and then I go to an event where there's beer on tap, or my friends try to be too playful in either a mean or flirty way and it just... Makes me anxious and resurfaces him.

Yet later on, when they ask if I'm feeling alright, I just say that yeah, I'm okay, because I don't know how to even start going into it.

Not without just blurting it out, at least. Without getting close and then thinking that maybe he's still alive. Maybe there's some way for Medusa or Hades to revive the statues and of course he would come after me because I opened my mouth and he'd punch my lights out, as promised.

Like he wouldn't do that regardless.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright, sweets?" Nico asked, pulling a new name that made my heart stop for a second because it was new but it was a very good new.

And I don't know how to start.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, just getting kind of tired."

So I don't.

And I think that, on some level, Nico knew that that wasn't the full truth. That yeah, I am tired and that's part of it, but there's more.

I just don't know how to talk about it yet and I'm terrified of losing him because of it so I don't risk it.

Because right now, besides my parents of course, Nico is all I have.

And while he's not my whole support system because I still talk to Rachel and soon Grover should be sending a letter so I have his address and even Thalia and I talk a bit, he is the only one who is physically here right now and the only one that I can mostly relax with and not worry about outing myself or him or seeming not like myself or just...

He knows what it's like to not be 100% and to not want others to constantly push you, so he lets me say that I'm okay sometimes and won't argue with me about it like the others will.

Because at the end of the day, I'm not okay, but I've made peace with that. I'm probably going to be miserable for the rest of my life anyways, right? I'm a hero, which is a tragedy in it of itself. I'm my father's mistake, a pawn of the gods.

And that will make me miserable. But I can't die because I'm not allowed to so I should just try to make my peace with it because despite what my father told me the first time we met, I can't make my own destiny.

I can alter it. I can make adjustments.

But my destiny is set in stone and I don't know it, but I know I can't change it.

So, knowing that, it's nice to be with Nico as somebody who seems to at least kind of get it, and furthermore not push me to my limits every time I'm in a bad mood.

And despite knowing that my parents would probably come back tonight because it's not that late, I just took to rubbing my thumb back and forth along Nico's forearm and closed my eyes. An attempt to fall asleep.

The hospital must've put anesthetics in the IV I didn't even have, because once I fell asleep, I didn't wake up (nor did I have a dream) until the morning, when the nurse woke me up to take my vitals and make small talk.

So I came out to my nurse.

Mostly because she asked if we slept well and I realized that Nico was still asleep and I nodded and she asked how long we've been together because it's not often that kids our age have partners that stay overnight and I told her it's only been a few weeks, but we've known each other for a few years now and she told me that we seemed sweet and wished us well so that was nice.

Even nicer? My parents weren't here to awkwardly find out about Nico and I before I'm even fully awake.

The nicest thing? I have jack shit to do until they release me later tonight, so I was able to lay back down, which temporarily woke Nico up.

"Hm... Percy...?" Nico murmured, squinting even though the lights are off in here.

"Shh, go back to bed," I whispered back to him, smiling a little. "The nurse just needed my vitals. She thinks we're cute."

"Well duh," my date mate responded, which made me smile a little more before he nuzzled his head back down by where my neck was. "What... Are we gonna do if your parents walk in and see us."

"What do you want to do?" I questioned. "I don't think I could come up with a good enough lie on my own, but we can form one."

"Mmmm no that's a lot of work," Nico insisted, which of exactly how I felt about the matter, if we're being honest. "Your mom is chill, your parents can know."

"Okay cool," I responded, laying my head down. "goodnight, Neeks."

"Mmmmhmmnightsweets..."

He was out cold.

The amount that I care for him is so much it's almost unbelievable.

But also, we're laying together in a hospital bed while I'm on suicide watch after having a panic attack because of my dead step father so maybe it's not unbelievable.

I just care about him. A lot. And I want to be with him. Physically. A lot.