Lucissa one-shots

Pt. 2 How to be a good mother

I sat there on the bed, while the hunger started to gnaw me. And to make it even worse, I had to feed Draco, my chest began to be heavy again. I couldn't handle it, why was I still sitting like an obedient little girl? Of course, because I was raised like one. But my baby, he was still there. They put my baby away from me, what did I even do to them? This was so absurd. I saw Lucius' perfume and before I could think if it was smart, I grabbed it and threw it to the wall and shattered it into thousands of crystals. He would be so angry when he sees that. But it made me relieved. I didn't saw that my mother came in, with Draco in her arms.

''Well, I am going to act like I did not saw that. Anyways, here is Draco. We assumed he was hungry and I wanted to check on you.'' She wanted to give him to me, but before she could do that, I took him rough from her. And no way that I would feed him in front of her. Not because I was too prude, not anymore since the birth, but because she was the woman who was against breastfeeding, the woman who hired girls from lower social status for that because Pureblood women didn't do something like that. She looked at my face, the disappointment slightly on her face since there was no mark from the hit. ''What?'' I asked brutally. ''It is just your behaving. You never act like this, and you are also not raised like this. I taught you how to behave like a proper pureblood wife. The way you acted today, I am surprised that he didn't hit you harder. If I...'' I got up quickly, almost forgetting Draco so he almost fell, and said: ''Shut up! Shut up, mother! I am so sick of you, I am so tired. You constantly utter about how I have to act, how I'm not a good mother, let alone not good as a female. But you're the bad mother. Look how everything turned, Andromeda is gone, Bellatrix is insane and because of you, I had to deal with so much! I had an eating disorder because of you, and I am still scared to have it back. But since I have Draco, I am happier than ever. I am finally happy with myself. And I am not gonna let you make it worse again!'' After I said it, she also stood. But she leafed, without saying anything. I didn't want to admit it, but I was a little bit proud of myself.

After she left, I finally hugged and kissed Draco. Then I feed him. I was just done, I was doing my clothes right when Lucius came in. He immediately saw the perfume bottle, and instead of being angry, he laughed. I looked at him with suspiciousness. ''I see that you were angry on me.'' It was not a question. This time it was my turn to be angry. ''Angry? I was so fucking furious with you! You threaten me shitty, and even worse, you made it a show for everyone. Since when do we act like that? I want you to leave this room. I don't want to sleep next to you tonight."

His mouth dropped. He makes a weird face and he looked in shock. If I was not angry, I would laugh. Because the face he made was funny. "Yes, leave." I raised one eyebrow while Draco was still in my arms. "But Cissa, you know I love you. Don't act like this." He wanted to kiss me, but I stepped one step back. ''Narcissa, please. Don't do this to me.'' Was he begging right now? Merlin, what did I do to him? He was dumbfounded. Somehow it actually looked pathetic. Lucius never begged, but right now, with his puppy eyes, I wanted to kiss him so badly. But for now, I had to act tough. "Narcissa, you know I love you, right. I am sorry that I hit you, it was the combination of alcohol, stress and people wanted me to do something. I know that's not an excuse." Since I still didn't say anything, he get the hint that I didn't want to talk with him, so he left.

It was midnight and I was laying on my bed, looking at the ceiling. I just realised that I was a strong person. I never realised that before, normally I hated myself. I was too small as a baby and child, not strong for a Black. I was the least favourite of my grandparents. They thoughted I wouldn't even make it alive. And then I had a disorder and miscarriages. I was for a while infertile. I thought I was weak because of this all, but I am strong because of this all, all the things that happened made me the strong woman I was today. Another realisation I made was that I loved Lucius. I knew that since I married him, but with the way he showed affection to me and how he was towards Draco, I could only love him. Was that a bad quality of mine? That I loved a toxic person, someone who had murders on his conscience? I didn't care, I was a bad person either, I was a pureblood encourager. I was a purist. My eyes began to be heavy, and then I fell asleep.

The next morning I was sitting at the table for breakfast. Draco was still sleeping. Lucius came in, he looked so tired. As if he didn't sleep last night. ''Good morning.'' I smiled. He hummed. I talked further since he didn't say anything. ''Shall we forget yesterday? I mean, what happened, it was all ridiculous. You understand why I didn't want to sleep with you, right? You hurt me, Lucius.'' This time he looked at me, his eyes met mine.

''What did you want me to do? Did you forget that we are Malfoy? I think you forgot that you are not a wither nor a mudblood. And I think you also forgot how your father acted towards your mother. You have luck with me. I would never treat you like that. And I never want to hit you again. It is better if we forget yesterday, but I think you shouldn't forget your behaving. You wouldn't want us to make a shame again.'' I heaved a sigh. ''I only said it because I didn't like what you all said about me as a mother. I know how to be a mother. It hurt me to hear them say things like that. And I don't think that they are better than me.'' ''Narcissa, this is not a time to hold a feminism speech. But whatever. Come here."

First I didn't want to go. I was somewhere still mad at him, but I couldn't resist. I heaved a sigh, so unladylike, and sit in his lap. He kissed me, but I didn't kiss him back, not yet. "You know that I am still angry at you, right?" He smirked and kissed me again. "I know." I pushed him a bit,but gave him a kiss because he looked a bit sad. "Let's eat, I am starving."