Loneliness H.S

Chapter Nineteen

I slowly open my eyes while I let out a yawn. I take a look around the room taking in my surroundings and soon remembers that Harry stayed with me last night, but when I look down on the floor there is no one there. Where is he?

I stand up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I brush my fingers through my hairs in an attempt to make it somewhat presentable, but it doesn't work that well.

I walk towards the door wanting to see my painting now dried. I enter the room where Zayn and I painted, but stop once I see Harry standing there looking at my work. "Do you like it?" I ask hoping he will say yes since he was the inspiration to it, so getting his approval of the painting would mean a lot.

"Is this why you wanted me to look at you yesterday?" He turns his head in my direction avoiding my question which makes me nervous.

I am still standing by the door keeping my distance, because of the events of yesterday. It was stupid of me to let him sleep beside me through the night, allowing too much to fast, but I wasn't scared at all for what might have happened while I slept peacefully unaware of anything he could have done.

"Yeah," I answer.

He looks back at the painting now with a hint of sadness in his eyes. If it weren't for his eyes I would never know what he is feeling. I would never know when he is mad when he is feeling down, or when he is two seconds away from losing his patience. If his eyes weren't closed while he was kissing my neck yesterday I think I would have figured out what he was about to do sooner. "Do I always look this... lonely?"

My heart breaks a little by the way he says it. He says it like he didn't know that he actually felt this lonely before he saw the painting. "Not all the time, but most of the time, yes," I answer honestly.

"When do I not look lonely then?"

When does he not look lonely? He doesn't always look that way when he is around me, but then again I don't know how he looks when he is alone with the others. Nevertheless, I decide on telling what I have seen even though I don't know if it's only with me, but part of me hopes so. "You don't always look that way when you're with me."

He is quiet while he starts to walk closer to me, but I back away still trying to maintain the distance between us. He looks hurt, but I think he understands. "I'm sorry, I just still need some time to get over it, but I promise I'm trying."

He looks at me with the same hint of sadness in his eyes from earlier, but now mixed with a little hope. "That's all I'm asking for." He says before he walks out of the room disappearing somewhere else.

Knowing Zayn and Liam is still asleep I walk back into the living room pretending I have slept on the couch there, so they won't get worried, but when I get there to see Zayn soon waking up I walk into the kitchen instead. I do not feel like making anything for everyone today so I just take out a bowl, fill it with some cereal and before I sit down at the breakfast table.

Soon after Louis and Alexandra enter the kitchen. "Good morning." I say in a cheerful voice, but all I get in return is tired mumbled 'morning' as they walk over to the fridge. They take some cereal as well and take their usual seat around the table joining me.

Then Liam and Zayn come in looking a little more awake then the previous two. "Good morning." They say in sync before they get some cereal as well before joining us at the table. Everyone except Harry is here now, and I'm starting to wonder where he went off too. He isn't meeting with Niall and Athalia, because he usually just do that when we need something, and I don't think we do.

"Did you sleep well?" Louis asks concerned. I know he wants to bring up what happened to see how I'm feeling, but is too scared to trigger any emotions.