Feel ---- Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugo ---- [BOOK 2]

8 - Anything

Todoroki's POV:

I tossed and turned for a long time before I fell asleep. And even when I did get to sleep, I woke up just an hour later. I was so exhausted and yet I couldn't rest. No matter how much sleep I got, I was so tired.

I rolled over and stared at the wall, not knowing what to do. I sighed.

I need another drink

I stood up and walked to the fridge, taking out the beer that Katsuki never opened.

Thanks for being a lightweight

Saves more for me

I opened it, cringing suddenly at the sound.

Maybe I should step out for a bit

I put on my shoes and a jacket, grabbed my bag, and left the dorms. As I walked down the cold streets, I cursed myself in my thoughts.

Damnit

Why does it have to be this way

I had closure

I wasn't dealing with anything

I'd pushed my issues aside

But they're still there

Trying to resurface

I can't let that happen

But

I took out my phone and changed the unknown contact to 'Touya'.

Maybe this will be a good thing

Stressful sure

But good

Maybe

I took a sip of the beer I had in my hand.

Shit

Why now

Another sip.

I need my brain to shut up

I need to feel something else

Not this anxious uncertainty

Sugarcoated in a suffocating numbness I couldn't get rid of

The ability to feel but not process it

Build up emotion but not release it

Cut and not feel it

I want to feel something else

I sat down on the ground in a darker alleyway, hitting my head against the brick wall behind me. I grunted in pain a bit, distracting me from my problems for just a brief moment. Pain as a distraction to me was so familiar it hurt. I sighed.

I need to feel something else

I dug around in my bag for a few seconds, but didn't find any blades. I sighed.

Katsuki would be so disappointed right now

I laughed a bit under my breath, but I knew nothing was funny.

What would he say right now

If he knew what I was trying to do

He always knows what to say

But a part of me wishes he would just let me do this

It would be easier if it didn't affect others