Soap

Ohrwurm II

For more information check chapter 6

"So what are you going to do now?", Mikey asked and leaned back on my chair, letting out a heavy sigh.

I couldn't keep what had happened to myself. All of the thoughts that had been running through my head after the fight were starting to eat away on my sanity and I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't tell anyone.
And Mikey was the only one I could trust.

After I had come back home I had thrown myself onto my bed and pushed my head into the pillow before letting out the loudest scream I'd ever screamed.
And then I had called up my brother who listened patiently to my tangled story before he decided to come by and sort this out together.
I couldn't have been more grateful.
Because even though my fight with Frank was days ago, my heart was still racing like I had just run a houndred miles.

"I don't know, Mikey.", I answered his question. I was lying on my bed, arms crossed behind my head, looking at the ceiling as if it held the answer to all of my problems.

"Do you really want to hurt him like this?"

"Yes.", I said.
"No.", I corrected myself only seconds later, "fuck, why is this so hard?"

"You're making this harder than it has to be."
For the past couple of days Mikey had tried to get me to make a decision. He had many great arguments but my head was just so full of the endless consequences I would be facing soon that I didn't know how to deal with.

I can't remember how many times I had cried in the past 24 hours, but every time I thought about Frank and what he had said, my body seemed to remember that it wasn't quite done yet. Tears filled my eyes and I shut them as hard as I could to keep them in.

"I need a moment to think", I said after a long moment of silence, "can you leave me alone for a bit?"

"Of course I can", Mikey said and immediately got off my chair.
But he didn't leave my room right away.
I couldn't see him as I still had my eyes closed but i felt the hesitation in his movement.
When he still didn't leave after I counted 5 heartbeats I slowly opened my eyes and blinked away a few feral tears.
Mikeys faces showed concern.

"Gee...", he started, "this is a really bad timing for this but-... I've been here for the last 4 days and... look-... I can't stay here any longer. I've been missing meetings and I really can't miss any more."

I rolled over to the side so I could face my brother. He seemed really nervous, as if he had just told me that he was moving to Arkansas.
That actually made me smile.
Mikey had always been one to over-think.

"Of course!", I said quickly and ran a hand over my face to get rid of the tear streaks on my face.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hold you back. I always forget how grown up you are by now. In my head you're still the toddler throwing up at the sight of carrots."

All nervousness disappeared from Mikeys face and was replaced by relief.
"That's not funny", he said but both of us let out a chuckle before falling back into silence.

"Will you be alright?", he then  asked.

"I'll always be alright! Don't worry about me. Everything is just a little... messy right now"

"It sure is. Call me when you know what you want to do?"

"I will but it might take a while."

We both chuckeled again but Mikey still seemed hesitant to leave.
I sat up on the edge of my bed, sudden determination flooding through me.

"You know what? Get the fuck out of here, loser. Only cool boys allowed in here!"

"Gerard, you're 25."

"Yeah? 25 and cool. So go get home before I have to call mom on you."

"Okay fine, I'll go, Geez...", Mikey said while laughing and threw both his hands up in defense. Then he turned around and walked up to my door.
He put his hand on the handle and turned to face me again.

"Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing. I am sure of that."
I gave Mikey a half hearted smile, his words hitting me in a way that made me want to cry again, from love to my family this time.

"I hope you're right."

"I always am."
He now opened the door and left to say goodbye to our mother.
We both knew that he was indeed always right and not for the first time I was reminded of how much more mature he was than me, despite being 2 years younger.

"Fucking hell.", I sighed and let myself fall back onto the bed where I stayed for a couple more minutes.
Mikey was right, this wasn't as much of a drama that I made it out to be.
I knew what I wanted and needed to do but I've never been good at going through with decisions.

"Fucking hell.", I repeated again - out loud this time - and thought about how Frank had called me a time bomb.

The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with him.

"Fucking hell."
Three times the charm.

I peeled myself off my sheets and stretched my neck which had started to hurt from the way I was staring at my ceiling for hours on end.
I could still feel a spark of determination inside me. I knew it was there but I was scared to use it.
Because what I was going to do now could never be undone.

I got up and walked over to my desk where I sat down on the chair Mikey had occupied hours ago.
There was no need for me to change place, I realised that as soon as I sat down and still didn't know how to go through with this.

"You're stalling, Gerard.", I heard a voice in my head say.
For some reason it was Frank's voice I heard.
How ironic.

I waited for a couple more seconds before I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone from my back pocket.

I really needed to find a new place for my phone. Apparently it was way too easy to steal this way.

I put in my password and watched it unlock, showing me a picture of Mikey and mom standing in front of Fresh Heavens. A photo I took on the day of our companies big opening.
I remember how proud all of us were.

Now I had nothing to be proud of anymore.
But maybe by doing this I could get back a little pride and all of this would be finally over.

Yes, this was the right decision.
I'm sure of that.

I repeated that sentence over and over again.
"This is the right decision.", I whispered while staring at my phone screen.
"I am doing what is right. This is exactly what the universe wants me to do."

Oh, how easy it was to blame all of what had happened on the universe.
It's the stars fault that Frank was such an asshole all the time. And the moon made me become the kind of person who blackmails people, hoping that they'd fall in love with me.

With that in mind it was easy to push the final button and put an end to weeks and weeks of pressure I didn't even know I was under.

With the push of a single button I deleted all the photos, all the evidence I had against Frank Iero off my phone.
And because I had no backup of the files, all information was now gone for good.

For a second I was hit by a wave of panic and I was suddenly sure that I had just made a terrible mistake.
Now I had nothing to use against Frank when I needed it.

But shortly after those thoughts were replaced by my own reassurement.
I wouldn't need anything to back me up.
Whatever power I had held over Frank was now gone, and it made me realise what freedome means.

"I hope I did the right thing.", I thought to myself, addressing it to the universe itself.

The universe answered shortly after.

In the form of a phone call from an unknown number that would change my life forever.