Young & In Love || 18+

Chapter 12: Leaving For Florida

It had been almost two weeks since we first started with our show. Ryder and I had been having quite a lot of...well you know. Xioe and I have been gossiping about how good it is and Josh and I have been arguing over who's movie was better; Iron Man's, Captain America's, Thor's or Spider-Man's. In my opinion I say Spider-Man. His first movie was amazing, everyone else had ok first movies. Thor's last movie was better than all and Captain America's second movie was the best. Iron Man's movies were decent but I didn't like him until the first Avengers movie.

Then we argued about who was the better spider-man. Everyone knows it's Tom Holland, then Andrew Garfeild and then Tobey Maguire. He said Andrew Garfeild and that Captain America's movies were better than all the marvel movies. I had never wanted to punch someone in the face so badly.

It was almost time for us to start casting people and we were excited. The opportunities for us would be endless and we needed everything to be perfect. Ryder had already finished the script a while back and Josh had finished most of the costumes. I had drawn out the posters on my Ipad and printed some of them out. Xioe had gone over her parts multiple times but was still nervous as hell. She didn't want to mess up and she didn't want to make a fool out of herself or others. I told her that everything would be fine and that she would do perfect. I had faith in her. In my eyes, she was amazing. She acted with her whole heart.

I had just got back from class when I saw something on my bed. It was a pile of letters and even a few gifts from amazon delivered to me. I didn't know where the gifts were from but the letters were all from her. The pile wasn't as big but it was still enough to take up some space on my bed. I put all of the letters back in the drawer. I knew it was Ryder telling me to read them but I just couldn't. Not so long ago, this woman didn't even want me. Now all of a sudden, she wants to spend time with me. Bullshit.

"You really aren't gonna look at them, are you?" Ryder said as he walked into the room.

"What's the point? She didn't even want me and she didn't even have the balls to tell me herself. Why should I care what she has to say now?" I said, closing the drawer.

"Maybe she wants to explain herself. Or maybe she wants to get to know you. Whatever it is, just know that at least she is reaching out to you. You know she didn't have to."

"I know but still-"

"But still nothing, she is reaching out and so should you. End of discussion."

He turned and walked out of the room. I hated when he was right. I knew I should talk to her or at least open a letter and read it. I knew that this would soon one day happen. She would find me and want to talk or explain or whatever it is that parents who abandon their kids want. I knew this would happen but what I didn't know was that I just wasn't ready. I hadn't had time to mentally prepare myself for all of this. I didn't know what to do. I was feeling so many emotions from it all and I didn't want to.

All of my emotions were bunched up and I felt tired. I felt scared too. Scared of what she might've written. Scared of what she might think of me. Scared of whether or not she ever wanted to meet me. I was just scared in general. I was also a little happy. Happy that I might get to know her and that we could be like a real mother and daughter. Then I was mad and angry. She had left me when I was a baby and now she wanted to talk. But over all of that, I was hurt. She left me and I didn't know why. Of course I wanted to find out but it was hard. I had been through so much already. I had fought a battle with myself over the fact that I didn't think I was good enough for her. I didn't understand why she didn't want me.

I let a tear drop from my eye and quickly wiped it away. I hated feeling weak or like I was pushing myself to be the best I could be. I also hated how hard I was on myself. I could never cut myself some slack.