Young & In Love || 18+

Chapter 19: Problems Before Sleepovers Always Somehow Leads To A Hospital

                                                                                      Lia's Pov

Yesterday was a mess and my head was spinning. I needed him so badly but I couldn't. He lied to me and it hurt. Of course I still loved him but it was hard. I didn't want to heal but I knew I needed to. Everything was overwhelming me all at once and I was about to have a stroke. I still didn't even get the chance to fully grieve nonna's death. I just kinda pushed it to the side. The date for a show had been changed so many times and we almost canceled it.

My dad, who isn't my real dad, is on his way to jail and my real dad is nowhere to be found. And throughout all of this, Ryder knew it all. He even had an older sister we didn't even know about. He knew everything and he didn't say a word. My life was a fucking shitshow and I was the star. I hated it but then again, I hated a lot of things.

I hadn't really gotten much sleep because like Ryder said, I couldn't sleep without him. Ok, maybe he didn't say it but I know he was thinking it. But it was true, I couldn't. It was already bad enough that I had trouble sleeping in the first place. Now, I can't sleep without him. Fuck my life.

Ryder was the only thing that helped me sleep. Xioe tried but she wasn't Ryder. She searched up so many things until I finally decided that crying myself to sleep was the best option. Except it wasn't. I ended up just crying and not going to sleep. Of course Xioe didn't know that but the next morning when I woke up with bags under my eyes, she grew suspicious. So did Ryder and Josh but none of them said anything, they just stared every now and then.

The conversation started off good but soon got weird and a little personal. We soon ended it because like I've said multiple times before, I hate being vulnerable. I also came to the realization that I hate talking about my feelings even though it worked and I would always feel better. I just had a lot of self doubt and when I say a lot I mean A LOT. It was bad.

When the time came around, we started to pack. We didn't know how long we would be there or why we were even going in the first place but I just knew I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be around Hayes, or should I say Jade, because she didn't like me. It's not that I wanted her to like but it did hurt when I found out that she didn't. I really thought that I could trust her but then she proved me hella wrong. Then I got mad and took it out on her brother, my now ex boyfriend, Ryder. God, it was so weird to call him that. I didn't even mean for it to go this far but it's for the best. I didn't even mean to say I didn't want him but his sister was right. I was a psycho's niece. Everyone knows that in movies the daughter is bound to end up like the parent. It just so happens that I ended up like my uncle instead.

Honestly, the thought of that ever happening terrified me. I love everyone around me, I don't want to hurt them. I should have known though. I acted like a complete psycho on officer Richy. Of course he deserved it but that side of me rarely ever came out. The last time it did was when Josh got stabbed. I went into the parking lot the day he got to the hospital and threw anything in sight. I was mad.

The first time it happened was when Xioe got rapped. She was so young and she didn't deserve it but my young self had so much rage in me that I took it out on my teddy bear. I ended up throwing a picture at the wall and a piece of glass cut me but I didn't feel it. Eventually though, it started to burn and I was in so much pain. My "dad" helped me out but my nonna was the one to really help.

It didn't happen again until today. We were in the store and Josh and I were looking for chips. I didn't find the chips I liked but it was fine. I just grabbed some other kind. We ended up spotting a little boy looking lost. We decided to go up to him.

"Hi, you look lost. Do you need any help?" I asked him.

"I can't find my mommy or daddy." he mumbled.