THE TRACE OF LOVE // 양정원

제 20 과

Knowing someone is willing to wait until I want to go out with him, knowing there's a guy who would say nothing but yes whenever I feel like getting a boyfriend, is an unexpected bliss.

Is that why many girls like to string guys along even if they didn't like them?

The image of Jungwon at the bus stop and his adorably-insecure voice of yesterday's phone call keep me smiling all morning. Unlike two days ago, I'm not afraid to bump into him or his friends anymore.
In fact, I find Jungwon at his locker while I'm sauntering my way to the first period and I contemplate if I should greet him or just pass him.

He really doesn't look around though, focusing on the books inside his tidy locker. He doesn't care to; just like he said. I only chuckle to myself and gaze at his figure all while I'm walking pass him.

Daisy is back to her sparkling self today, telling a avalanche of the yesterday incident she had on phone with Jay that his apology over her little indirect confrontation via texts had made her sleep and sound.

I like her energy. Except the times she chivvies me to go up to the gang and initiate a conversation every time we spot them in break times. Worse yet, when she subtly nags me to sit near them at lunch, I can only swallow the urge to tell her off and choose somewhere not far from them to sit.

Daisy and my opinions are different when it comes to a crush.

I want to sit somewhere I can see him but he can't see me.

She wants to choose somewhere where he can spot her as clearly as she sees him too.

We end up at one table away from the gang and I sit across Daisy and her sneaky eyes toward the guys, awkwardly covering the side of my face they could recognize from their angle.

"Oops. Sunghoon saw me—us." Daisy whips her head to front.

I can't take a glimpse at their table as embarrassment takes over my face. Gulping down the kiwi juice, I pretend to be regardless of anything around me. Including Daisy and her small blabbering with a suppressed smile.

"Oh, Jungwon's coming this way."

My stomach sparkles at Daisy's whispering and no second later, I find a pair of white sneakers halting next to my seat.

Looking up, I smile automatically seeing him already wearing a small smile.

"Hey" I say.

"You just got here?" He suddenly sits on the empty space next to mine, making the butterflies in my stomach flap their wings.

"Yeah. I was being a bit picky at the stall." I quickly make something up.

"I know. The food sucks." He backs up, chuckling.

Then, mindfully staring at my face and making my heartbeat fast, Jungwon says, "look, Dan...—" The small pause in between makes me smile. Hearing him call me by the initial like I taught him warms all my emotions.
"Do you—and your friend want to sit with us? We're sitting right there and Jake snuck really really delicious potato swirl things to school."

"Potato swirl things?" I almost burst into a laughter.

"Yeah. They have a name but I forgot. But I can tell you they are super delicious and we have lots of them." He reassures, biting his lower lip.

I know Daisy would never reject this kind of invitation but I still give her a glance to make her look less desperate. Daisy nods and then, we pick up our trays and follow Jungwon where the boys are found smiling to each other. Jungwon scoops to side so that I can sit at one end of the table while Daisy settles next to Jay who sits across from me.

Jungwon immediately shoves a small paper box full of little swirl figures of potato next to my tray.

"It's good, isn't it?" He fully focuses on my reaction after I bite on one.

"Is Jungwon a good student, Daffodil?"

All heads of the table whip at the ice prince Sunghoon who wears a cheeky grin on my way as he asks out of the blue. Then, all boys set their eyes on me and Jungwon.

I laugh at the attention. "He's not a student. We're like study partners."

"Study partners?" Sunoo grins, "c'mon, you can tell us how bad he behaves when you two alone."

Jungwon lightly hits the guy adjacent him on his arm while words stick in my throat.

"Stop hitting him, Won. You know you are normally such an ass!" Jake mirthfully comments.

"Really, he's not that bad. I mean, not bad at all—"I intervene.

But Jay interrupts, "of course, he's not that bad when you guys are alone, is he?" Chewing on his fries, with a few of his words, Jay's charming smile somehow provokes the mood of the table to be chirpy and the guys begin lowly cooing making Jungwon shake his head.

"Well, at least, he's not failing Physics quizzes anymore. That's a bonus." Heesung who is always serious-looking adds and smirks at the moment and the foreign kid, jet-black haired Niki with sharp jawlines who sits next to him shares a laugh with him.

All the teasing smirks upon the guys' faces, I figure they already knew Jungwon's feelings for me. I don't know if I should be feeling embarrassed or blushed in this kind of cliche situation but glancing over at Daisy and her clueless expression, I only feel uncomfortable. Plus the pressure of sitting among good-looking people.

I haven't talked about Jungwon and his confession to anyone yet. I never had a plan to. Not even to Daisy.

It is a habit of mine to keep those kind of things a secret only I know. Unless he tells his friends.

The rest of the fifteen minutes goes longer than usual. Jungwon keeps a decent conversation with me as much as enjoying fooling around with his friends at the table. I'm somehow glad for him that he only responds those childish acts of throwing chips and jellies to each other into the mouths and faces, but never initiates.

While my friend Daisy, she doesn't look upset throughout. Nor happy either. I can't read what she's feeling. Worse that I don't want to break Jungwon's heartwarming attention on me. But I sometimes spot her speaking to Jay. And I also find Jay is more into his friends than her too. He replies her small talks in case she would be lonely but I don't find him to be genuine. Only more like perfunctorily.

After the lunchtime, Daisy and I leave the table as we say goodbye to the boys. Until then, Daisy's smile is usual and sweet.

Then as soon as we get to the hallway, her face abruptly turns sour and leaves me right away saying she hasn't done the homework for her next period.

Watching her back, I know something's wrong with her again. Maybe with Jay. Maybe at the table.

She's the one who wanted to join the gang's table.

But yet why isn't she happy now?