THE TRACE OF LOVE // 양정원

제 34 과

Plodding down the street amidst the drizzling, my mind wanders around the scenes of last night that I don't realize the wind is a tad cold for my bare legs. Feeling the first shade of gloom this morning, I chose to wear a white mini dress with a light-grey sweatshirt. Though the clothes seem bright for my mood, I didn't make an effort to wear something that is not the dirty white sneakers I'm wearing now.

But my mood isn't lighted up as I expected.

I wonder if Jay and other guys are still upset with me. The fact that Jungwon hasn't texted me ever since last night makes it look convincing.

But even if they hate me now, it would be great for me; I can cut off the connections quiet easily and spend my school days peacefully alone like I did before I transferred to this school.

Turning into the corner of the street, my plodding comes to a startling standstill.

It is Jungwon to my least expectation.
Again next to the sign of 'Jackson 4th Street' stands he, dressed in fades blue jeans and the same white shirt. But this time, the sweater vest over the mundane shirt is in the most innocent white. Even if we both are wearing clothes in the similar shade of color, he shines in them. He looks good.

Is he waiting for me? 

But unlike the last time, my legs are against walking up to him. I don't want to face him now. Because by this anxiety of hearing him say something negative like he has decided to let us be friends because his crew hates me now. Or worse; deciding to stay estranged from now on.

Yet it is too late by the time I try to turn around. He catches my sight and rushes toward me with the most serious expression ever.

"Hey"

I imperceptibly gulp at his greeting.
"Hey", my reply is a whole lot quieter.

"You're done with the tutoring, right?"

I nod.

He nods then, "let's go. I'll accompany you to home."

"No," I abruptly say, "you don't have to."

Jungwon, with a puzzled expression, calmly stares at me. But I don't know what to add for a reason.

"Is it because of yesterday?"

I stay tight-lipped to his question.

"Dan," he softly calls my name, "why did you go back home early yesterday?"

Still I don't say anything.

He steps closer to me, "Jay isn't mad at you. No one is."

At his sincere explanation, I feel the need to tell him the truth.

"I told you it's not your fault—"

"Jungwon," I interrupt, "If it weren't for Daisy, I never would have come to talk to you."

"I know." He instantly replies.

"It means that I approached any of you just because of her. I wasn't really sincere to be you guys' friend."

This time, Jungwon stays quiet for a while as we stare into each other's eyes.

"I know that too." He murmurs.
"But I was sincere in everything I did for you. My friends were genuine too. It doesn't matter with which purpose you approached us. Because now, you are a friend to us. And we won't stop being friends with you just because of a girl who wanted to set you up—unless," he pauses, "you want to stop being friends with us." "With me."

I feel bad for them. But moved by their attitude at the same time. His words make me waver about my initial thoughts on being alone. He makes my mind waver.

The words automatically come out of my throat at this point.
"I'm sorry to each and everyone of you. I was being dishonest all along."

"You just wanted to help out your best friend." He adds.

When he says 'best friend', something dissolves into a true perception inside my chest. When I look into Jungwon eyes, I remember what he once said.
"Dan, maybe you deserve someone who really cares about you as a best friend. And I want you to know that maybe, you already have someone like that. Maybe more than one."

"She isn't my best friend. Not anymore."

As I say, I come to remember what I once said too.
"I still have six friends. And a hot boyfriend who's heads over heels for me."

"You're right," I continue, "I deserve someone who actually cares about me. And I came to know it's surely not her."

One of Jungwon's dimples blooms at this. Yet before he can part his lips to say something, I abruptly add,
"I'm thinking of staying alone from now on—just like I always did before high school. That way, I'd face no drama or betrayal."

"What about me?"

His question gets me speechless. Jungwon isn't my friend. But someone between friend and something more than that.

"What about us?"

"Jungwon—"

"Do you think there'll be a scenario in the future where you see me more than a friend?"