THE TRACE OF LOVE // 양정원

제 25 과

On Monday morning, Jungwon tells me to meet him at the parking lot before I get to my first period. Being inclined, I realize meeting him there is like initiating a very couple-like habit as when I meet him there, all the boys are together, being playful, teasing and fun with the breakfast they bought for themselves. Apart from their food, Jungwon gets me the same portion from their breakfast as if he'd added one person to the gang's activity.

If I hadn't become close with Jungwon, I wonder if I'd be this relaxed and comfortable laughing by the jeep with them, Jungwon accompanying me close, Jake's openly stitching on Jungwon's bad habits such as being bossy sometimes, Sunoo giggling with me more than with Jungwon himself, Jay and Sunghoon keep teasing us to just date and kiss already. Shy-mannered Niki laughs the whole time. But only Heeseung keeps the truck of the time as he acts like the most responsible one in the group when he cleans up the messes after the take-out meal, actually being the one who puts studies and school into the conversation.

They all treat me well. I'm not left out in any way, respected as a girl and as a potential future girlfriend of Jungwon. Future girlfriend—will I be Jungwon's girlfriend?

I could imagine dating Jungwon yesterday after our late night phone call but when I see him this morning, I feel it'd be a bit too rushing for us to title ourselves 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'.
Better yet, this situation; already shared a kiss, pecked him on his cheek, being confessed by him—we are basically anything but named. I love what we have at present.

Not being afraid of commitment or stringing him along. But something before that.

Yes, something heart-warming feeling before that, that I'm feeling and doing.

. . . . .

I haven't seen Daisy all morning. Even if we don't have same classes until the second of last period on Monday, Daisy and I tend to meet at the lockers and bathroom all the time. By lunch, I text her saying I'll be waiting for her in the cafeteria.

But at lunch again, like the last time, Jungwon persuades me to sit with him and his friends. Hoping Daisy would see me right away with the gang when she comes for lunch, I join their table full of snuck junk foods and drinks without thinking much.

As much as I'm enjoying myself much with Jungwon or less with the guys, every time I glance around us, there are eyes on me. Curious, judgmental and sour eyes; all mostly from girls.

By the strong looks, I don't know if I should be proud for being able to sit with the popular kids at school or just look down at my lap and beat myself in embarrassment in mind.

Receiving attention more than usual outside of class can't be good for me.

Often checking around, but when I can't see Daisy half-minutes into lunch, I turn at Jay sat next to me.

"Jay, have you seen Daisy today?"

Jay furtively glances around, quickly thinking to himself.
"Yeah, I guess I did. We had the same class this morning—history or math, something."

I can feel Jungwon's attention on us from my other side but I care less about it at the moment.

"Did you guys talk?" I ask.

Daisy must have talked to him if they were in the same class. For I put effort to make them somewhat close if not strangers, it's a cinch for Daisy to level up their closeness.

On the other hand, Jay doesn't seem to have much attention on her which makes me discreetly restive.

"Not really—I mean, I don't really talk to girls in school so—except you, of course." He chuckles at the end, taking a glimpse at beyond me.

I nod, returning to my plate.

"What about her? Did she say something?" Jungwon softly asks, casually leaning on the table to take a good look at my face.

I smile and shake my head, "it's nothing. It's just I haven't seen her all morning."

Jungwon nods with no further word but he has a look of reflection on his face at my answer. However, as we focus back on the able, I get carried away with the positive energy the guys hold until the rest of the break time.

Taking my place in the geometry class, I take out my phone to check if Daisy has replied yet—only to frown immediately.

Daisy has seen my text but doesn't reply.
At this point, the unsettling feeling grows bigger in my stomach and I realize something big is up with her.

We haven't talked the whole weekend.
She came to school today.
But she never came to see me.
She doesn't reply my text.

Would 'the thing' going with her have anything to do with me?