The Forbidden Feeling

The Pink Rose

WARNING: THIS EXACT THING HAS NOT HAPPENED TO ME, THIS IS JUST A FRAGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION WITH MIXED WITH A HINT OF TRUTH. THESE EXACT EVENTS HAVE NOT TAKEN PLACE, BUT I LOVE EXPLORING MY HOPELESS ROMANTIC AND DIE HARD SIMP SIDE- AND SINCE ALL GOOD THINGS HAVE A SAD ENDING THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS. 


Dear Diary... 
April 20th, 2022

Today started off just like any other of my regular boring days, I got out of bed after dreaming of fake scenarios in my head, got ready to be productive, failed at being productive, and then went out for a walk. I wore my usual everyday grunge aesthetic outfit. A dark T-shirt but not black, black pants, and a black leather jacket, of course, the accessories are my favorite part, two silver rings, on my left hand, along with a few black bracelets on the same hand, my favorite chains, and lastly a black jacket tied around the waist, so people think I'm crazy and stay away from me. 

During my walk, while listening to a variety of different music, I was surrounded by street art, skaters, people playing 1 against 1 basketball matches, a lot of cars, different lights, red, green, and yellow, I kept walking, through different streets and avenues. I saw this apple store which originally caught my attention. However, my attention got diverted to a cafe right next to it, which was overlooking this beautiful patch of greenery filled with a melting pot of people. 

A sudden need for food overcame me, so I casually strolled into the cafe and ordered a vanilla latte with a shot of caramel cream along with a grilled cheese sandwich made with sourdough bread. I was sitting on a barstool next to the windows which were overlooking the big green patch of land which looked like a park.

 Whilst waiting for my order to be made ready, I was peering the park for people as I like to make stories about them to kill my boredom. While slowly sipping my coffee, and indulging in the mouth-watering aroma I continued my snobby attempt at profiling the people who I could see, I would say I could come up with a justifiable story for everyone, just this one person who I couldn't read. She intrigued me, I didn't know her name so I called her Erika. There must have been a reason why I couldn't profile her, I squinted my eyes to see more clearly.

 I saw long blond hair it reached her waistline, it wasn't straight but wasn't curly at the same time, I suppose it was somewhat wavy. I could see a white spaghetti top, with white shorts, and an oversized checkered pink and white shirt. She was holding this pink picnic bag with a white floral design and was wearing these bright white shoes, I noticed she was wearing this cool blue nail polish. That was all I could make out from here, I couldn't read her though, she wasn't quite the open book but that's what kept me so interested. I nibbled on my sandwich as slowly as possible since I was waiting in hopes that she would turn around, so I could see her face to get a better read on her. 

That moment that I'd been waiting for finally happened, she turned around but I couldn't stop staring, those blue eyes looked like they'd been pulled out of heaven, it pierced through my black soul, the wind blew her hair back, which made her look like a princess who's come to earth from outer space. She looked ravishing, I couldn't quite find a word to describe her, it was a mix of aesthetic, beautiful, stunning, delightful, charming, magnificent, enchanting, and breathtaking. But that was not all, she had an amazing personality to her as well. I noticed it when I saw her buying ice cream for this kid who was crying since he dropped his ice cream. It just felt like she has an angelic vibe to her like she's not of this world, one of a kind. 

I was sitting there on the barstool with an empty plate making up fake scenarios in my mind. Oh, all the things I would do to her if I had the courage to go and walk up to her. I'd take her shopping and we'd buy clothes for each other only to see who knows the other person better, I'd take her to get icecream and we could sit on swings together and act like children, I'd take her to watch her favorite movie, I'd take her on late night drives, I'd take her on long walks on the beach on a starry night and when she gets tired I'd carry her on my back, I'd do whatever just to see that beautiful smile on her face. If she's sad I'd get her a cute gift to make her laugh, when she's extra sleepy I'd make her breakfast in bed when she's angry I'll listen to her rant, when she's nervous I'll hold her hand till she calms down, and finally when shes scared I'd hug her tight so she knows she's safe. 

The waiter asked me if I would like anything else but I was so lost in my thoughts I couldn't hear him, he then repeated, only louder this time "Sir, would you like anything else" and I got back into my senses and exited the cafe after a long time. 

I walked back home while listening to music, but only this time there were more happy songs playing, I was skipping with joy, came home, and just jumped on my bed while thinking out loud "I'm love struck for someone who is way out of my league"

- Andrew 

Dear Diary...
May 3rd, 2022

I've been so happy recently, I've been visiting that cafe every day, and I've seen her every single day as well, just a smile from her has the power to brighten up my day so much. However I still haven't gathered the courage to tell her how I feel, but I promised myself that I'm going to talk to her tomorrow no matter what. 

- Andrew 

Dear Diary...
May 4th, 2022

I got out of bed excited, wore my favorite clothes, put on my favorite perfume, and went to buy a bouquet of pink roses to give her since that's the best way to win a girl's heart. I kept on walking joyously, and I entered the park, but I saw something different today, I saw another guy with her. I thought to myself, it's alright I can't judge they might just be friends. When I started walking closer to her, I saw the guy getting closer to her and putting his arm around her waist, and then they hugged, which again is a pretty normal thing so I didn't care too much. 

However, I saw them makeout, I quickly turned around, trashed the flowers, put on my earphones which were blasting music, and ran away from there. I got back home and just sat on my bed, sad, alone, lonely. I said to myself...

If only I told her the moment I felt it... Maybe she's that dream girl that's only gonna be a dream girl... Maybe I never stood a chance... How stupid was I to not imagine someone as amazing as her to have a boyfriend...

- Andrew