Gone.

losing a part of me

Carinas pov

Bailey and I were sitting on the couch in the attendings lounge. It's something we do when Maya and Ben were called into 4 or 5 alarm fires. Even if we weren't on call, we would find a way to be together. Functioning as each others support systems, because the other knew our exact emotions.

The local news station displaying footage of the fire. We watched as the smoke emanated from the church, a black fog covering the blue sky. I subconsciously ran my fingers along the seams of the station 19 sweatshirt I was wearing, it was Mayas old one, the one that read Bishop on the back. She insisted on getting a new one the second we got engaged.

The camera pans to the roof, on which we can see 3 or 4 people. It was almost as if the world stopped, as the building slowly collapsed. My heart racing, skipping beats. Bailey grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly. Our worst fears, all suddenly coming true.

I didn't realize amelia was behind me until I felt a hand on my shoulder. Bailey shuts the tv off, tears rolling down her cheeks. Amelia moves around the couch, squatting in front of both of us. "We don't know if they were in the building. Let's not freak out until we know the facts." She says quietly.

I don't remember what happened next. My mind shut off, my body took over. The next thing I remember is standing in the pit, waiting. Bailey standing next to me. I was so overwhelmed I couldnt move, I couldn't think. I just waited, and prayed.

"Victoria Hughes, 32..trauma to the head, possible internal bleeding." I hear, along with wheels of a gurney. Waiting. Praying Maya wasn't next.

"Jack Gibson, 35.. concussion, fractures to the right arm."

"Travis Montgomery, 30.. major smoke inhalation, skull fracture."

Everyone around me was moving so fast, yet my brain couldn't process anything. Slowly trying to comprehend the situation. My heart beating so fast it felt as though it had stopped.

"Ben Warren, 46...". Miranda let's go off my hand and runs towards him. There's so many people in this room doctors, patients, friends, family, yet I feel alone. It's me versus the world. My ears ringing, my feet numb. It feels like I've been here for hours, waiting as more first responders run through the trauma doors. Some on stretchers, some wheeling others in.

"Maya Bishop, 32.." my heart stops when I hear her name. I can't see her due to all the rushing doctors around me. I want to go to her, I want to run to her side but my feet won't move.

I finally find the strength, running to her trauma room. Teddy grabs my arm before I can get in. "Deluca, no." She says, her scrubs covered in blood from previous patients. "Altman, let me see her. I need to see her. I need to know if she's okay." I say weakly, my throat feeling almost raw from anxiety. "No family. I can't let you in. You know this." She says, before closing the door behind herself.

The curtains remain open for just a second. During that moment I catch a glimpse of her. Her blue eyes ridden with panic, her turnouts covered in embers and ash. Amelia holding her down.

The curtains are pulled shut, and my heart sinks. I slide down the wall. My back against the cold cement bricks. I zoned out, my anxiety taking over. I come to consciousness a while later, as I hear my name being called.

"Dr. Deluca. You're needed in trauma 4." Richard says. I stand up, and quickly change into scrubs. My body running on auto pilot. I enter the trauma room adjacent to Mayas, seeing an expecting mother. She must've been in the building, her clothes are covered in ash. She coughs, not being able to catch her breath.

My body moves on it's own, checking the mother before deciding we need to get the baby out via an emergency c section. Nurses wheel her to the or. At the same time nurses wheel Maya out of her room, towards the or. Amelia, Maggie, and link following close by. "Amelia.." I manage to say, tears forming in my eyes. "We've got her. Go help that mom, and I'll send an update when I can." She says, before jogging to catch up with Maya.

The c section didn't take long. After the mom is stitched up, and the baby is out and healthy, I leave the or. My mind racing. No updates on Maya yet.

I change back into my clothes, the scent of Maya lingering on her sweatshirt. I sit down in the attendings lounge, back on the couch. The same place I was sitting when I watched the church fall. The same place I was sitting when amelia reassured me it would be okay. The same place I always sat to watch the fires.

My head quickly turns as Meredith walks in. "Dr. Deluca." She says. "Call me Carina." I respond. "Carina, I repaired her internal wounds. She has a small tear, and some internal bleeding. In that aspect, she's going to be just fine." She says. My mind finding a small bit of comfort in that.

"And the rest?" I ask, my voice shaky, my heart pounding. "Amelia is repairing a subdermal hematoma. Lincoln is removing the wood from her leg, it just missed her femoral artery." She says. My mind tries to understand it all. Im a doctor after all, I know what all this means. My mind just won't accept that the patient is Maya. My Maya.

"Carina." Meredith says, as I shake myself out of zoning out. "She should be out of surgery in two hours. It's looking like she's going to make it out just fine." She says. My head falls into my hands, my elbows resting on my legs. She sits next to me, rubbing my back as tears stream down my cheeks.

"She's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay." She says. We sit there for a while before I finally stand up, sighing. "Carina. You're bleeding." She says looking down. The baby. "Do you want me to page ob? Jo isn't here but Addison is.". My whole body tenses up. "No. I miscarried. I.. I know." I say through tears. She hugs me, rubbing her hand up and down my back. My mascara tears staining the shoulder of her scrubs.