Gone.

hardest decision

Carinas pov

I take a a shower, cleaning the dried blood off myself. Addison makes me have an ultrasound, to be sure the miscarriage was finished, and to check my uterus for damage. After all that was done, I headed back to the attendings lounge, sitting on that familiar couch. Waiting.

I lost our baby. I can't lose my wife too. I surely couldn't take another loss, Andreas death almost killed me.

The door opened, but I couldn't find the strength to turn my head to see who it was. "Carina, she's out of surgery. She stable. She's sedated heavily, but should wake up in a few hours. You can go see her when they get her settled in the ICU." Bailey says. I kept my head forward, staring at the chipping blue paint of the attendings lounge walls.

"Ben?" I ask. She sits next to me and sighs. "Major smoke inhalation and a fractured ulna, but he'll be just fine.". I set my head on her shoulder, and she runs her fingers through my long hair. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. "They're both okay." She repeats over and over again, trying to reassure both herself and me.

Her phone vibrates, and she moves slightly to check it. "She's all settled, do you want to go see her?" She asks. My heart rate picking back up. I don't know if I can handle seeing my wife attached to machines and monitors, seeing her in extreme pain. Without thinking, I nod. "Room 1448." She says.

I don't even remember getting up, let alone walking to Mayas room. But I'm suddenly outside her door. My brain wants to go in, but my body won't move. Amelia looks at me, and silently opens the door. Before entering I can hear the beeping of the machines, the machines that are keeping her alive. Keeping her with me.

I slowly walk in. My heart stops just seeing her. I want to hold her, to tell her it's okay, she's going to be okay. I sit next to her, and grab her hand, which is bruised and poked with an iv. I run my thumb up and down the back of her hand. Whispering sweet nothings to her, telling her she needs to wake up for me.

Mayas pov

I wake up, but my brain wont open my eyes. Carina. I try to say. Carina. Carina. I'm okay. Carina. But the sound doesn't come out. All the pain of my injuries hitting me at once. Okay Maya, open your eyes.

Nothing. I can feel my head throbbing, my abs stinging, my left leg too. I can feel her hand in mine. I can feel everything, but I can't move. My thoughts slow down, as my mind shuts off, putting me back to sleep.

Carinas pov

"It's been three hours amelia." I say, wanting to cry but having no tears left. "She's going to wake up. She will. The meds are still wearing off." She says. I know shea trying to reassure me, but my best friend can't hide the panic on her face from me. She's nervous. Nervous she fucked up, and nervous my wife is a vegetable.

Another hour passes, I become increasingly tired but I won't let my eyes close and my brain rest. I can't be asleep, because if she wakes up she might need me. The beeping of her machines becomes less steady, it increases slowly. I pick my head up, off her bed and look at her face. Her pale, bruised, and cut face.

Her eyes slowly flutter open, her piercing blue eyes making contact with mine. For a second everything is peaceful. She begins to cough around the tube in her throat. Amelia pages a nurse to come remove it.

Mayas pov

I finally find the strength to open my eyes. The first thing I see is carina. She looks terrible, bags under her eyes, mascara stains on her cheeks, her face drained of all its color. I suddenly become aware of the tube in my throat, choking on it as I try to breathe. A nurse rushes in to remove it, and I settle into a coughing fit.

I finally stop, mustering up the strength to speak. "Carina." I say, smiling. She smiles back, with tears running down her cheeks. "Bambina." She replies. "You scared the shit out of me."

"What happened?" I ask. Amelia explains I was on the roof of a church, and it collapsed beneath me. I'm surprised I'm not dead, the fall surely could've killed me. "I'm sorry." I say to Carina, my throat raw from coughing up the tube. "Bella you have nothing to be sorry about." She replies.

I feel my eyelids getting heavy, as I slowly start to fall asleep again. "I love you." I say, "love you Maya." She replies.

Carinas pov

It was a while before Maya woke up again. My PTSD from losing Andrea was not allowing me to leave her side, not allowing me to fall asleep Incase she feel septic, or went into cardiac arrest, or her ICP increased.

She finally woke up. Her cheeks red, her eyes groggily opening. "Carina I.. I don't feel good." She says, I hand her the plastic bag by her bedside, and she throws up. I put it in the garbage, turning around for just a second. In that second, I hear her heart rate slow quickly. The monitor beeping fast.

I hit the call button, and nurses run in. Amelia, link and Maggie follow. "Her white count is elevated." Maggie says. Link pulls the sheets down to see her leg. The cut on her leg is nearly black, the area around it a mixture of yellow, black and blue. "It's an infection. We need to take her leg." He says.

"No." I yell. "You can't... you can't take her leg. What else can we do?" I say in a panic. "Carina it's her or her leg." Amelia replies. My head races with thoughts, if I lose her, I won't live. If she loses her leg, she'll survive, but she won't be able to live like she used to, and she'll hate me for it.

"Carina we need a decision." Link tells. "Take it. Take her leg." I reply. "Okay" he replies quickly as they wheel her off again.

My heart begins to bear even faster. My legs go numb, my vision goes back. My body hits the cold floor as my eyes shut.